Leslie's Favorites

God-Given Potential ::An Introduction to Whole Hearted Prayer::

2011-12-05T22:03:00.008-05:00

It's 10:00pm and I should be setting down my Bible and I should be hitting the pillow. My eyes are red, my belly is empty (because I filled it with garbage) and I am restless in my spirit. After a bout of stomach flu and a week of stretching myself thin, I decided to have a "me night".

I am grinning and shaking my head at myself right now. The irony. Isn't it interesting how to "reward" myself for this uphill climb of changing our diet for the better, I am going to punish my body. One hot dog in the belly and a second one (which I couldn't bring myself to eat) in the garbage. After which I consumed a hash brown and washed it down with a mouthful of sugar-free diet coke which had been left behind by a guest. This entire meal challenges every fibre of common sense. I can't call it a meal. I take it back. This lapse of judgement breaks every rule for eating in a way that glorifies God, and now I can see just how much I can be impacted by what I eat based on how I am feeling physically but especially mentally. I am restless and feel down.

After my feast what did I do? I decided to read about parenting. I am all for making educated decisions. I agree wholeheartedly that breast is best, cloth over disposable, etc. etc. But L is formula fed (I will be blogging about our breastfeeding experiences and our local public health department later). I had 2 ultrasounds during my pregnancy. I gave birth in a hospital and I had an epidural. I did what I did with the small amount of knowledge I had and out of the panic and uncertainty of a mom experiencing a first birth... but as I read I have felt so condemned. Do we get vaccines? Do we introduce this food or that? Did we filter the water enough? What detergent do I use? Where did my clothes come from? What are my pots and pans made of? And given all of this, will my son be autistic? Will he have ADHD? Will he be sickly?

Every day I am washed with a wave of the next thing I need to be careful of. I feel overwhelmed. I feel inadequate. I feel lost and am left with this sinking feeling that I am losing a battle to give my family the best start. But NO. I renounce that in JESUS name. Me, my son and my husband will live in glorious God-given health because my Jesus is big enough. I need to do my best and I need to be educated but where my best falls short, I need to stop worrying and I need to trust that the Lord is bigger than environmental toxins, carcinogens, mental disorders and anything else of concern today. I'm not talking "eat a big mac and pray I don't get fat" kind of thing. I'm talking about hard working and plugged-in parents, doing what we can and feeling pressured to do more and to do it better. Are you following me? Have you felt like this?

And so where my energy and my resource and my knowledge runs short, I lift my arms in desperation to the One who can do it. I reach upward to the One who has numbered all of our days, who snuffs out sickness and disease and who is waiting to bring me and my family into the fullness of all He has for His human creation.

Our journey to meet our God-given potential begins with acknowledging God's power.

To move with God's power I need to pray in God's power. For this, I need my whole heart. I need to be focused, I need to pray expecting to see the results and I need to pray persistently.

Friends, I invite you to listen to this message by Mel Bond. This message has helped me to pray more effectively. I'm not endorsing Mel Bond - just this particular message. Let this post be an introduction to my first look at God-Given Potential.

And with that, I am going to get off of my couch and snuggle in next to my sweetie for a good night's sleep.

Family photos at last!

2011-11-25T16:19:00.002-05:00

God-Given Potential

2011-09-25T21:43:00.003-04:00

After a lot of prayer, discussion and attending a few lectures and meetings run from various places we are ready to take the full plunge into what we believe is the way the Lord has intended us to live. I speak specifically for Joe and I, but we also have felt the Lord's leading to make it a family mission to engage others in this journey as well. He designed us. He has a plan for us, not just in spirit but in body.

We need our bodies to be functioning at 100% in order to experience and accomplish all that he has for us, and 100% doesn't just mean no symptoms. It means being looking down the road and seeing a healthy self at age 70, 80, 90. 85% of North Americans will either die of cancer or heart disease. 85%! Being a mom has made me ask an important question: Is the way I am living setting me and my family up to be part of the 85% or part of the 15?

I look forward to discussing this with all of you.. all two of you maybe? hah. Even if one person reads, I'll be happy. Please stay tuned as I begin this new series.. Complete with the resources my family has discovered and with confessions along the way-- sharing truthfully how all of this is going for us as we implement some much needed change.

He paints a beautiful picture. Doesn't He?

2011-09-11T22:24:00.002-04:00

Autumnizing

2011-09-07T08:48:00.002-04:00

So, from time to time (every few days) I take a gander at a few of the blogs that my friends keep. Not five minutes ago I logged onto WildOatsandSugar to exclaim "come ON MamaOat.. get moving and give me something else to read!" Immediately afterwards I paid my own blog a visit to discover that I'm a filthy hypocrite and that I haven't posted in over a month myself. That said, here I am and I'd like to discuss "autumnizing", which is the act of preparing ones home for the cold months while the weather is still warm enough to spend long periods of time outside.

My "autumnizing checklist":

Sorting through the summer clothes and packing them away
Cleaning our windows, inside and out
Purging-- finally dropping that growing pile off at the donation store and then starting the second lap around the house to pack away any unnecessary visual noise (will be blogging about visual noise in a few days.)
Cleaning our oven and kitchen cupboards.. getting rid of any unnecessary kitchen clutter
Organizing our front all closet
Tilling and mixing compost into the soil for next year's veggie garden
Cutting back our perennials

That's the start.. What do you do?

God is.

2011-08-06T12:13:00.004-04:00

For one reason or another I haven't written in a while. To be honest, there is not a whole lot to share right now other than times continue to be tough financially speaking but our Lord is faithful.

"On a picnic we will go for it's summertime you know, and we love to spend our Sundays in the park!"

2011-07-12T15:20:00.003-04:00

It's birthday time for me! I'm 26. Considering myself a year older isn't as weird as usual because in a case of extreme pregnancy/baby brain, I forgot my age and so I've mistakenly been telling people I'm 26 for the last several months. It wasn't until yesterday until Joe said, "Woah! You're going to be 26." To which I replied, "Wait a minute. How old am I?" That's when I realized I'd been misleading people. I'm sure I'm not the first this has happened to. Right?... Anybody?

Whether I'm 6 or 26, one thing remains the same: My love for picnics. The original plan had been to get a sitter, go on a picnic and then go canoeing. The threatening rain clouds and our tired & sorry selves put a damper on those plans. Instead, we went as a family for a shorter picnic at a lovely garden just south of us. Afterwards, we brought baby home and while our neighbour kept watch, hubby and I went for a bike ride on the new bike I got for my birthday!

Oh. And Charlie came too. :)

Tasty, Tasty Tabouli

2011-07-06T14:48:00.005-04:00

2 cups of cooked and cooled quinoa (pronounced keen-wa)
1 cup of chopped fresh parsley
1/2 cup chopped green onions
2 tbsp chopped fresh mint
1 clove garlic (minced)
1 tbsp fresh chopped basil
1/2 cup lemon juice
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
Handful of chopped red or yellow pepper
Handful of chopped tomato
Salt & white pepper to taste

Combine all of the ingredients in a bowl and mix together. Let it sit in the fridge for an hour or so to let the flavours combine. Yum! We use Bob's Red Mill quinoa. Quinoa is not only delicious but it's packed full of super great nutrients. You can read about it here. I make a bowl of this stuff and we snack on it for a few days-- its great to eat a scoop here and there, and we also enjoy it as a side dish.

Note: The quinoa cooks up better if you rinse it to get the starchy coating off. A piece of cheesecloth works the best for this. The first time I made it I lost a bunch of quinoa during the rinsing process (i made the mistake of trying to use paper towel) and so when I added the olive oil and the lemon, it seemed a little waterlogged. By the next day, the juices had been absorbed. Feel free to add less oil and lemon juice though if you're not as keen on the lemony taste and want it to be a bit more light and fluffy.

I hope you enjoy this dish! It's got an amazing texture as well as bright and cheery colours for bright and cheery summer meals. Bon Appetite!

Home is where the heart is.

2011-07-04T10:45:00.007-04:00

Joe's parents said goodbye to their house of 15 years last week after a bit of a nightmare. It was a rude awakening to see just how greedy people can get. Upon noticing an error in the paperwork, the man selling my in-laws their new house decided he wanted more money before he would agree to correct the error. This happened literally, in the 11th hour. This man has been gouging them and hassling them since February but since they need the shop for my father-in-law's business, they didn't have any other choice but to play along. The real estate agent offered the man a cash incentive (out of his own pocket) if he would just give my in-laws the house and stop giving them a hard time. So in the end, they got their key the same day they would have to vacate their old house. It was scary for a while since they didn't know what to do with all of their things and they didn't know where they would all stay when faced with the possibility of being "homeless".

I got to thinking though. A house is just a house and home really is where your heart is. It was interesting to try and imagine our family in their situation. What if there was a fire and we lost all of our stuff? What if we were homeless? What would that feel like? I realized a few things. 1) Stuff is just stuff and there is no guarantee it will always be there. The Lord says to store up treasures in heaven where moths and rust don't destroy and where thieves don't break in and steal (Matt 6:20) 2) I can choose to be content and to have joy despite my circumstances.

These aren't new thoughts, but it's always nice to be reminded.

Things to be happy about (in no particular order)

2011-06-29T22:36:00.010-04:00

My beautiful pumpkin asleep in his crib
The snoring beagle on the couch
A husband who loves, cherishes and respects me
Our purple living room
Being rescued by my Abba father
Cloth Diapers
Sharing our home with those in need
Being available
The copious amount of cheese in our fridge
Eating the veggies we planted, tended to and finally harvested
The large Manitoba Maple in our backyard-- who joyfully rustles and keeps our entire yard shaded
Jon Foreman
Trying new recipes
The golden sunlight that bathes our bedroom and the nursery each evening
Middle-of-the-night snuggles with my best friend
Zuccanoes!
Epsom salts
Provision
introspection
Biographies & documentaries
Seeing real miracles with my own eyes
Evening walks to watch kids play soccer in our local park
The library
Playing chess with my husband and then learning where I went wrong
Free healthcare
Genuinely caring about how someone else is doing when you ask "how are you"
Sushi
Warm and toasty feet
Saving money by doing it myself
Creative expression
Nice long naps

Inventory

2011-06-29T09:03:00.004-04:00

PSALM 32 (NLT)

¹ Oh, what joy for those
whose disobedience is forgiven,
whose sin is put out of sight!
² Yes, what joy for those
whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt,^[b]
whose lives are lived in complete honesty!
³ When I refused to confess my sin,
my body wasted away,
and I groaned all day long.
⁴ Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.
My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
Interlude

⁵ Finally, I confessed all my sins to you
and stopped trying to hide my guilt.
I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”
And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
Interlude

⁶ Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time,
that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment.
⁷ For you are my hiding place;
you protect me from trouble.
You surround me with songs of victory.
Interlude

⁸ The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you.
⁹ Do not be like a senseless horse or mule
that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.”

¹⁰ Many sorrows come to the wicked,
but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord.
¹¹ So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him!
Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!

Joe and I did an inventory of the weeds we've let sprout up and grow in our lives. It was humbling. It was hard. We each listed our own on paper and then prayed and asked for forgiveness of the Lord and of each other. Throughout our 3 years of marriage we've done this a few times. I think the thing that makes it work is that we do this when things are "going well". We don't wait for problems to develop because it's not a productive exercise when you're caught up in the emotion of the moment. We decide to do it on a regular run-of-the-mill evening so that we can have a calm and somewhat objective look, and it's suprising how easily we fool ourselves into thinking we're doing a great job and we're not making ANY mistakes and we're SO SUPER AWESOME! But then to start digging leads you on a rabbit trail of seeing all the things we've let slide, all of the ways we've compromised and how it has effected our relationship with God and our quality of life day to day. We're not going looking for troubles, but we are keeping ourselves in check and trying to prevent the pride that can easily erode a marriage and the important relationship with our Saviour. When we root out the weeds, the crops can grow more bountifully.

Let there be Light

2011-06-25T15:43:00.010-04:00

It's overcast (again). Joe's out makin' money for our family (again). What's different? I'm having a balanced day I think... And I sat down with the Word and jumped in (though I'm ashamed to admit it, for the first time in over a week). Ephesians was calling my name through a crowd of friends and family who reject my dear friend, Jesus. Through a sea of blanket statements and assumptions I was able to hear Him when I sat down in my quiet living room. Babe asleep in his crib, husband at work; it was me, the beagle and my Bible on the couch. I began to read.

I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called - his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. Ephesians 1:18

Then He said to me: I've called them too.

So I've made this my prayer and am committing this verse to memory. Instead of feeling hopelessness when someone makes an ignorant statement or assumes, I am going to pray for light. I'll pray that they'll realize they've been given confident hope and that they've been called too.

Our "Must Have" Baby Items

2011-06-16T19:07:00.005-04:00

Friends Naomi and Katrina have done this and I decided to follow suit and share a small list of things that help us get by. The items featured below are the life-savers at our house.

The pacifier!! I struggled with this for a while because the jury seems split as to whether or not to introduce a pacifier right away. I finally had to pony up and make a decision based on what I thought was best for me and my baby. A few days in I realized that Liam was using me as a pacifier. He would stay at the breast even though he wasn't drinking and really didn't have a very good latch. He would fuss if I took him off and would remain there indefinitely. It was frustrating but once we finally decided to give him a pacifier, he was much less fussy.

Our Moby Wrap is the single most important thing we own where Liam is concerned. This is what we turn to when we need him to be well behaved or when we need him to go to sleep. We've made it through weddings, church services and shopping trips with this magical baby carrier. As soon as he goes in and is given his pacifier, he's out like a light guaranteed.

This Fisher Price Luv-You-Zoo play mat is great for both interactive play and solo play. I often sit on the floor with Liam and we sing songs and play finger games, but if I want to whip up a few dishes I can turn on the music which also features coloured blinking lights and a spinning mobile.

I'm sure most moms have one of these. There's nothing super special about this brand, but this is the one we happen to have. It's the Bright Start Turtle Bouncer and it has worked well for us because he is seated in a more upright position than some of the other ones, which is great because he's getting to the age where he wants to look around at everything. He's also super excited about the dangling toys. This chair also features a vibrating mode. Ooooo. :)

This Lamaze Doll was given to us second hand, but he's super infatuated with it. The dress crinkles and there is a rattle attached to the front. It also has the rings in her hand that Liam can grab onto. The thing that makes this particularly functional is the hook coming out of the top. I hooked it to the Bright Start chair today with the other dangling toys and I've never seen him content for so long. He was staring away at all of the patterns and grabbing at her dress.

Scrapbooking Fun: Label Making

2011-06-14T22:28:00.006-04:00

Today I just HAD to make something. I'd bought a spice rack at a garage sale for $5 and gave it a bit of a face lift. I can't justify putting a lot of money into a new spice rack but I also don't enjoy rummaging through a box in my kitchen cupboard to find the spice I'm looking for. A few hours later and TA-DA! I also made a label for the jar that we keep the baby formula in and a label for our cake stand.

Liam's Birth Story

2011-06-08T09:57:00.003-04:00

It was the first week of March I’d been having Braxton hicks contractions continually for a few days. They occurred every 8-15 minutes but weren’t painful and weren’t regular. We went to see our OB, Dr. Joutsi, who informed us that the baby had engaged and my cervix was 80% effaced and 2cm dilated. Joe and I were excited-- Joe was especially excited to hear that Baby could arrive “anytime in the next 12-24 hours”. Dr. Joutsi told Joe not to go to far from home which meant he couldn’t go down to school in the city and he also had to miss a sales meeting for work.

We got home and called to let my mom know what the doctor had said. She ended up driving down with my brother Matthew that night. We waited and waited. We went to the mall and walked around to try and get things moving, we played some card games and board games and we watched some movies but nothing more was happening. Just these painless but very tight braxton hicks contractions. Matt ended up catching a bad cold at the mall and so he went home while mom stayed down with us.

Board games with the boys while we wait for Liam to come

Things continued on like this for nearly a week (it seemed like forever!!) until March 9th at 4:00am when my contractions started to become painful. I woke up and knew that this was the beginning of labor. I couldn’t lay down anymore because it was too uncomfortable and so I went into the baby’s room with a blanket and some pillows and set myself up in the reclining rocking chair. Eventually they became even more painful and so I woke up Joe and he came into the room with a chair and blanket of his own and got comfy beside me so that I could hold his hand. Charlie, our beagle, came and wanted up on Joe’s lap because he wanted to be close to us. So there we were at 5:00 in the morning-- Joe and I in chairs side by side with our beagle on Joe’s lap, breathing through contractions that were now painful but still not regular.

Labouring in bed with Charlie, my "hot water bottle"

These painful contractions continued for a few more days and my dad came down to visit us and then went back up to Owen Sound to wait things out until the baby arrived. Things were more intense and continued to become more painful. I could no longer talk through contractions and they hovered around 10 minutes apart but didn’t get any closer. They even spaced out a bit every once in a while which was discouraging. Because they were occurring so frequently, I was unable to get any sleep. I dealt with the pain by taking hot baths and I had found a comfortable position in the corner of our new L-shaped couch that a family from our church had given us a few days before. Joe and Mom took turns staying out in the living room with me at night to hold my hand when I was having a contraction. They also wrote down the times when things seemed to be getting “regular”. I had gone 3 days without any sleep and finally on Saturday, March 12th at about 10pm I decided that enough was enough and we should just go to the hospital to at least see what was happening. We called Joe’s brother Jake to come over and watch the dog, and then Joe, Mom and I went to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital birthing unit at South Lake Regional Health Centre in Newmarket and it was almost empty! There was no one in the triage room and I was able to see the nurse right away without having to wait. The nurse came in to see us and she did an internal exam. Sure enough, I was 4cm dilated so they admitted me! Next thing I knew, I was in our birthing room and 15 minutes later a doctor came in and broke my water. It was all happening so fast!!

After my water broke real labour began

After my water broke, the contractions still hovered around the irregular 10 min mark, but they became even more painful. I was unable to sit or lay down and so I walked around and labored for a few hours on my feet. Every time a contraction came, I walked over to the counter in our room and I put one hand on the counter, and Joe held my other hand to support me on the other side, and I leaned forward and breathed. I was very quiet during contractions. I just focused and breathed and stayed calm. I prayed a bit too and I felt more relaxed as the Lord reminded me not to tighten my muscles but to just let things go when a contraction was coming-- sort of like when you relax your muscles as you go to the bathroom. This helped a lot and I could feel the baby moving down. Joe was so supportive-- telling me that I was doing a great job, that he loved me so much and even that I looked beautiful. I also spent some time in a hot shower to deal with the pain. Eventually though, because I hadn’t slept in days, I was too tired to stand and I knew I would be unable to get comfortable sitting down so I decided I wanted to have an epidural.

A nurse named Lin came in to start an I.V. and then the anesthesiologist came in around 3:00am to do the epidural. Joe was holding my hand and I sat with my legs over the edge of the bed and leaned into a pillow tucked against my tummy. He froze my back and then I felt a lot of pressure in my spine as he put the needle in. It was absolutely terrible and I was quite vocal about it-- not screaming, but lots of “owwwwwww!! and ahhhhhh”. Joe wasn’t watching the procedure, but my reaction made him light headed and he said he started to feel pins and needles as the blood drained from his face. He waved my mom over to hold my hand and said he felt like he was going to pass out. Lin took a look at him and snatched him away, making him sit down in a chair so he wouldn’t faint and fall on the floor.

Nurses administering oxygen

After the epidural was in, I became much more comfortable and for the first time in days, I wasn’t feeling any pain. I was so much more relaxed and finally feeling great so I got really chatty and was so excited. Mom and Joe were feeling really tired though because they’d been awake with me the last few days too and they kept telling me it was time to be quiet and take a nap because I would need my energy. Finally we turned out the lights and I was able to get some sleep. Joe slept on a fold-out cot beside me, and mom tried to get comfortable in a chair, but eventually gave up and went into the waiting room to stretch out on a bank of chairs.

In the morning, a new nurse named Joella was on duty. She kept calling me “Mama” instead of by my name and she was extremely nice to us. The contractions were still not regular and I’d only dilated a cm more since they broke my water the night before so she started me on Oxytocin. By mid afternoon things were cooking and I was able to start pushing. I was able to control the epidural myself and so I took it easy on the dose in order to be able to feel when to push. Joe’s mom arrived for the delivery and everybody had a job to do.

I was on the hospital bed with Joe holding one leg, Joella holding the other and my mom/Joe’s mom were at each shoulder to assist me in leaning forward while I was pushing. I started pushing and things were going well. The mom’s (Joe’s and mine) were right into it and had been holding the back of my neck instead of supporting me behind my shoulders as they were supposed to. Whenever the nurse told me to push harder they responded by pushing me forward by my neck more and more. Hey guys, she’s telling ME to push. Not you! They readjusted and then things were more comfy.

Mr Squishy get weighed-- 8 lbs 4 oz!

45 mins later, Dr Dervaitis came in to deliver the baby. His head came out and there seemed to be lots of room, but his broad shoulders ended up being a problem. Out of nowhere a slightly panic’d nurse ran to the phone and called for more help. Before too long there were about 8-10 nurses working away at setting up emergency equipment just in case and Joelle hurriedly hoisted herself up onto my hospital bed. She straddled my waist and faced my feet. Using both hands she pushed with her entire upper-body down onto my stomach to squeeze him out as the doctor pulled him by the head to get him out quickly since he was turning blue. Originally Joe was going to cut the cord and then the nurse was going to set him on my belly so I could see him, but because of the situation, she quickly cut the cord and passed him to the team standing by with oxygen. For a while there was no cry and Joe was starting to get worried. So much was going on that I didn’t realize there had been any problem. Next thing I knew, I could hear the sound of them slapping the bottom of his feet and then the first cries came out.

It was a trip. It wasn’t a super emotional instant love connection. It was just this bizarre Twilight Zone experience-- one second there wasn’t a baby in the room and now there’s a baby in the room. Where did it come from? As ridiculous as it sounds, I was shocked to see that there actually had been a baby in there. It’s like some part of me doubted it until I actually saw him with my own eyes. All I could think was “Woah. What a trip this is. Totally bizarre. There’s a new person here that wasn’t here a minute ago.”

Daddy sees Liam face to face for the first time

After they confirmed he was alright (except for a super squishy face and a big bump on the head), Joe and I took some time alone to get to know each other as we’d requested when we were admitted. The hospital staff were very accommodating and respectful of our wishes which we appreciated very much. Before too long we welcomed our first visitors: Joe’s siblings, Jay, my parents and Joe’s parents. Everybody took pictures and the grandparents took turns holding him. When the visiting was finished, I was moved to a semi-private room. This was a huge answer to prayer because I didn’t want to stay in a ward room with a bunch of other people. We couldn’t afford a private or semi-private room, but thank the Lord, all of the ward rooms were full so we got upgraded... and our neighbors went to Canadian Bible Church and we had some mutual friends! To make things even more amazing, we ended up with a completely private room for the second half of our stay because our neighbors checked out in the morning and we didn’t get any new ones. We ended up with a private room for the rest of our stay and didn’t pay a penny! It was a really neat experience. Praise the Lord!

Cuddles with Mommy shortly after arriving in our hospital room

Joe stayed until 11pm each night and then came back the next morning to stay during the day. He did this until we were released on Tuesday, March 15th. During our stay we had visits from my parents, Joe’s grandmother, his mom and his aunt. Paul and Jane, friends of ours from church, also came. The meals weren’t too bad, but it was mass-produced hospital food none-the-less. I had cereal, cheese, milk, an apple and banana bread for breakfast, turkey, soup and squash for lunch and shepherds pie for dinner. Joe’s mom brought us sushi though which was a welcomed treat!

The Men: Proud Grandpa, Daddy, Pappa and Liam

The nights were a bit hard because we’d been having trouble with breastfeeding and so Liam was a bit jaundiced and cranky. He slept in a little cradle beside my bed and the nurses came in to help with the feedings throughout the day and night as needed. It was nice to have their support. When checkout day came around I went in for a shower while nurses popped in and out with paperwork and to do various tests for Liam-- like hearing and some bloodwork. I had one of those special “moments” as I stepped out of the shower and into my room to see Joe quietly rocking Liam in a chair in the morning sunlight. Everything was still and quiet and Joe was singing him “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles. It was the most precious thing I’ve ever seen in my life and that moment will always be ingrained in my memory.

Liam's squishy face

We were welcomed home by my mom and dad who had worked really hard to clean our house top to bottom so it would be nice for us when we came home. My mom had made a banner that said “Welcome Home Baby Liam”. We curled up on the couch and it was an afternoon of feedings, cuddles and dirty diapers. Joe’s parents and siblings came by in the evening for a visit. My mom ended up staying with us for the week to help with meals, dishes and laundry. I was so thankful for her support and Joe was also super supportive and encouraging. For the first two weeks I felt awesome in the mornings and had energy during the day but then by the evenings I felt really down and depressed. It was up and down as my hormones adjusted.

With the pregnancy and delivery behind us, I am thankful for my beautiful baby boy, for my supportive and loving husband and for our families who pulled together to take such good care of us and shower our new family with so much love.

Cloth Diapering: Introducing gdiapers

2011-05-24T19:47:00.004-04:00

After doing some research and in-store browsing, we're getting our act together and giving cloth diapering a try. Thankfully we kept our eyes open for great diaper deals while I was pregnant, and we are 10 weeks in and haven't had to buy any diapers. As our collection of disposables dwindles, we did some number crunching and decided to invest in a cloth diapering system.

I had an idea of what I wanted. I wanted a non-plastic cover that was re-usable without having to be washed every time. I wanted something that wasn't bulky and something that didn't have a lot of snaps to do up. After looking around, I came to gdiapers.

When gdiapers first came out, they were intended to be the "best of both worlds" in that they have a cloth shell, with disposable inserts that you can flush or compost. This made gdiapers particularly pricy, with 40 inserts running at a hefty $26.00 at my local health food store. They've recently come out with cloth inserts which have made gdiapers a little more affordable and that is what made me decide to give them a shot.

The gdiapers consist of three parts: a fabric "little G pant" with velcro tabs, a plastic snap in liner that catches any dribbles and stray poop (these liners wipe down and dry quickly, but each diaper comes with 2 liners so you can swap in a clean one right away), and an insert which acts as the absorbent part of the diaper. The disposable inserts are plastic free and biodegradable, and the cloth inserts have a hemp core with a micro fleece fabric to wick away moisture. We bought a starter kit with two diapers and a few disposable inserts for $40 and gave them a try. They didn't leak, Liam seemed comfortable and they were easy enough to use. (Not to mention adorable.)

Once we were satisfied that they would work for our family, we ordered 6 more little g pants online and a few packages of cloth inserts. I was impressed by the customer service the company offers. They have how-to videos posted on their website to show you how to use the diapers correctly in order to prevent leaks, and if all else fails, there's the option of calling the company and having an employee walk me through the process. I watched the videos before I tried to use them and the main thing they stressed was to make sure the liner is in the crease at the top of baby's leg after you put it on. It wasn't that tricky to figure out and Liam's even been able to wear them for fairly long naps (though I have not yet tried them at night).

The only down side to cloth diapering that I can see is that they seem as though they might be hot to wear in the summer. Maybe I just have to compensate by dressing him in less clothing. Perhaps an experienced mom can comment.

I also enjoy having the option of disposable OR cloth within the same system and have purchased one bag of disposable inserts "just in case". I can see these coming in handy if we're on a day trip and don't want to tote around dirty cloth inserts all day. So for those of you who are in the research stage as I was not long ago, this is what's working for us (so far). Good luck!

Meal Planning

2011-05-04T22:23:00.006-04:00

Today I bought a new cookbook.. This is very exciting for me because this is no ordinary cookbook. This is "The Best of Chef at Home"! For those of you who aren't familiar with Chef at Home, it is a cooking show on the Food Network. I absolutely love it because the recipes are easy to follow and most of the ingredients can be found around the average home, but he incorporates a few new ingredients each time. It's a great way to "build your cooking vocabulary"... for lack of a better term.

I've been falling short in a bunch of areas. Providing my husband and myself with balanced home cooked meals has been one of those key areas I want to change. This evening, Joe and I sat down at the kitchen table and hashed out a plan of attack for weekly meals, figured out what we'll be eating and came up with a grocery list to match. Our strategy? A theme a day.

Seafood Mondays - this week, salmon, rice and green beans

International Tuesdays - this week, sweet potato curry and rice (recipe from my new Chef at Home cook book)

Chicken Wednesdays - this week, grilled chicken, lentil pilaff and broccoli

Italian Thursdays (I know Italian is technically international but we like it so much it gets its own night) - this week, shrimp and spinach pesto and penne pasta

Leftover Fridays - cleaning out the fridge by eating anything remaining from the week

Try-Something-New Saturdays - this week, shrimp gumbo. (Also from my new cook book) We picked Saturday for this because Joe is home in the afternoon and can watch the baby while I spend extra time experimenting.. And he also has the opportunity to get involved if he wants to so we can explore the preparing of new foods together.

Slow-Cooker Sundays - this week, chicken stew and homemade bread in the bread maker

I'm looking forward to this plan. It gives me a guideline but allows me to keep things simple.. And by having it written out, I'll not feel lost and will be more likely to cook something well-rounded. If you'd like a copy of my Meal Plan Template, you're welcome to print it off and try using it yourself. Choose "click here to start download from media fire" and it will give you the PDF. Let me know how your planning goes!

A Family Day

2011-04-29T23:03:00.005-04:00

We've got colds. Liam seems to be dealing with things a lot better than I do. I get grumpy and tired. He's more cuddly but still just as happy with big smiles, which is awesome. Some sniffles but no fever so nothing to be too worried about. I put on the vaporizer in his room and we're hanging out in there lots to keep things flowin'.

I'm so sad that we weren't able to go and visit Liam's godparents (Mat and Naomi) today but we're looking forward to a good visit with them and their new baby Ransom next weekend! In the mean time, Joe and I had a lovely time watching the royal wedding and going for a short walk with the baby and dog to get some fresh air. Watching the wedding reminded us of the day we were married and we talked a bit about how we felt. It was really nice. The down time gave us a chance to nap as well which was much needed as we have a busy day tomorrow.

Things might not have gone as expected, but we definitely made lemonade out of our lemons!

Charlie Puppy!

2011-04-28T14:38:00.008-04:00

This is Charlie. He's our beagle and we got him this week in April 2 years ago from the Owen Sound Animal Shelter. He's been such good company to both Joe and I, and is so wonderful with our new baby. I wanted to take this opportunity to thank the Shelter for bringing Charlie to us and for providing such a valuable service for the community.

This is Charlie on his very first day at home. He was not impressed.

Charlie discovers the backyard at Joe's parents house.

Get it? A "charlie-horse"!

Some chill-out time on the couch.

Charlie was such a special part of our pregnancy and birth experience. He was very careful to check in on me frequently during my pregnancy and spent the first three months with me on the couch when I had terrible morning sickness.

When I went into labor he was beside himself. He kept checking in to see how I was doing and finally snuggled in under the blankets and put his head on my belly.

He was actually very helpful because the contractions were painful and his body heat made the contractions easier to deal with.

WE LOVE YOU CHARLIE! :)

Our Family Passage

2011-04-27T13:05:00.004-04:00

Having a baby has really shown us a lot about ourselves. Joe and I are getting to see just what "stuff" we're made of. The demands of parenthood serve as a great excuse to slack off in many areas of our lives. "I deserve to eat this." or "I'm going to sit and watch tv today. I've earned it." Moderation flies out the window, and we get selfish with our time instead of investing it in our relationship with the Lord or in our relationship with each other.

That said, Joe and I sat by candlelight in our living room and talked about these issues. We were lead to 1 Corinthians and found a great passage which we are now working to apply to every area of our lives (with God's help). Two great versions of 1 Cor 9:24-27 are posted below:

²⁴ Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! ²⁵ All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. ²⁶ So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. ²⁷I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified. [NLT]

^24-25You've all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You're after one that's gold eternally.

^26-27I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got. No sloppy living for me! I'm staying alert and in top condition. I'm not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself. [The Message]

De-cluttering

2011-04-26T11:13:00.005-04:00

What is normal anyway? Whatever it is, I'm not feelin' it. I think it has something to do with sharing the car with Joe and his 13-hour-a-day job. I also feel like our house is too cluttered but I'm not sure what needs to go. A spring clean is in order followed by a garage sale.

Walking a new path

2011-04-20T23:01:00.003-04:00

I am BACK and excited to write again because I have things to write about now. Before now it would have been "still waiting for the baby to come.." but nowwwww.. BUT NOW..!! Liam has arrived and I am working my way up steep learning curve. I hope to keep the topics well-rounded and want to challenge myself to write about more than mommy-hood. I'm a mother now, but I am on a journey to discover who I am beyond that and how who I used to be squishes into this new mommy-shaped box I'm in.

It's a round box.. and it's large.. because that's the only kind of box I'd fit into right now.

A cooking blog!

2011-02-02T18:54:00.004-05:00

I know it's been a while. I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant. 4 weeks from our due date, 2 weeks from the "any day now!!" and I'm putting my money on valentines weekend. We've got the nursery ready, I've done my massive clean and spent today cooking/baking up a storm.

Oh, and I started a cooking/crafting blog called I Made a Mess. Had a great time creating it and Joe is going to work on it with me by contributing his critique of the recipes after he tastes. Please sign up to follow. :) It will keep me motivated and keep me cooking.

Updates!

2010-09-07T11:28:00.004-04:00

Quick updates for those that care to read them! I've been feeling particularly under the weather the last few weeks (morning sickness) I've decided that Joe is going to carry this baby for the last 4.5 months. Thats fair right? Split it at the half-way point? Nobody talk to him about it yet. I still haven't had the right moment to let him know of my decision. :)

Now to the updates:

1. An angel has offered to rent us her mother's house for a price we can afford!! The main floor of a bungalow with 3 bedrooms and a huge fenced in backyard! THREE! That's sure a step up from basement dwelling. It means we'll have a bedroom, a nursery and an office! Its a dream come true. We move in October and we'd love some help from anybody who is available to help us paint before we move in.

2. Joe's headed back to school to finish up his undergrad and then attend teacher's college. He's also currently on the market for a new job and has an interview with a music school to teach guitar! (pray that he gets it!) He's been into chess lately.. obsessed. He's been studying chess and playing chess everyday and he's getting pretty good. He's been reading books and working over chess puzzles. It's been fun to see him passionate about a hobby that challenges him. He's having a blast.

3. Baby's doing well. It's now almost 15 weeks old. I can't believe how time flies. In just a few short weeks we will be finding out the baby's gender so we can start accepting the generous donations of baby clothes people have been sending our way. It's amazing to see how much a community can gather together and help out-- offering words of wisdom, clothes, supplies and a helping hand! I'm so very grateful for the generosity of those around us.

4. My photography business has been booming this fall. I've been working pretty steadily and am booked solid till the end of October with weddings. I'm also starting to fill up summer 2011 which is fantastic. I'm thankful for the teaching I've received at Seneca and I'm looking forward to returning next year to finish things up. The faculty and students there been a great support and encouragement.

That's about it! I can't guarantee when i will post again, as things are very busy. BUT busy is good and I'm thankful for all of the things that are happening right now. It's been very stressful but I've got a wonderful husband to share the load with.

Joe & I volunteering at Summerfolk 2010 in Owen Sound

Introducing Baby Puiras!

2010-06-28T12:30:00.004-04:00

Surprise!

Praise the Lord!

2010-05-06T01:03:00.002-04:00

I'm just going to get it out there.. Joe and I sat in the doctors office on Monday. I'd had a physical on Friday, but we needed to talk. It seems that I/we may be in for a bumpy road to conception and on our doctors advice, we have decided to start trying over the summer to have a baby. I'm taking prenatal vitamins and drinking extra milk. I've also started weight watchers to try and get myself into a healthy spot before we get going on this family thing. All of that to say, we're both thoroughly excited and scared to death, but we have a strong marriage, supportive families and a God that loves us so with that in mind we're holding our breath and jumping into the deep end of the pool.

Kayaking!!

2010-03-30T17:21:00.002-04:00

I'm super excited about the weather forecast! Kayaking, here we come!

Back at it!

2010-03-12T14:38:00.004-05:00

I feel as though I don't have very much to say these days. I've been going to school, taking pictures and busting my butt with marketing. Who knew marketing a business could be so difficult? At any rate, I'm excited to have the ball rolling and I'm pleased to learn that my website is finally generating interest. Let's hope the hard work pays off!

In an effort to get myself back together after a long and lazy winter, I've joined the gym! Yep. You read right. I've been hitting the treadmill and the weights, and I've lost 7 pounds so far. I couldn't have done it without the support of my family (including members of my church family, who have helped make it possible for me to go) and with the help of my Lord too.

When I don't spend time with Him, I realize that I try to get my satisfaction elsewhere. I get selfish. "I'M going to eat this because I want to." and "I'M going to stay home from the gym because I'M tired." and "I'M going to do my homework later because I need a break." A break from what? A break from snacking and not going to the gym?

It sounds so silly, and it is! I'm trying to find satisfaction on a superficial level, when really I need to be satisfying the craving that is coming from deep down: a desire to feel connected to my Lord and Saviour who shows me what to eat and how hard to work out-- who gives me energy to do the things I should do, the motivation and the clarity of mind to make wise choices.

The days that I give Him my attention and decide to follow his lead are the days when I get up early, eat a good breakfast, work out and feel energized to take on the rest of my day. Let that be an encouragement to anybody else who is feeling cloudy, run down and unmotivated. Just crack open that Book and spend time in His company. Ask for His help.

Self Analysis and Response

2010-02-19T10:45:00.004-05:00

I've been struggling with some sort of mystery illness for the past year-and-a-half which manifests itself in dizziness, nausea and minor congestion. For me, it's like a ticking in the background or when you get something small caught between your back molars. It's frustrating and all I can do is wait until we locate the problem and then find relief.

Adding insult to injury, it's the time of year where the overcast skies and short days take their toll. Call it the blues, cabin fever or the winter blahs but whatever the name, people around me seem stressed out and run down and this caused me to think: when something is wrong, why is it that we so quickly try to isolate ourselves? We don't want to talk, we don't want to make eye contact and we don't want to be noticed. As for myself, I struggle with this because I get grumpy when I'm not feeling well and like to be left alone (Yes, somewhere inside I'm still 5-years-old). I also get lazy and often don't make an effort to connect with others because being outgoing and excitable doesn't come naturally to me-- although being friendly does!

That being said, I've been making a conscious effort to cultivate a sense of community in my life and I don't mean attending planned events. Events are fun and entertaining, but the focus seems to be more on the event than on plugging in and connecting with people. What have I been up to? I've been more intentional about making eye contact and smiling when I pass people while I'm out running errands. I've joined a public gym instead of working out alone at home and I've started studying in the library instead of at my desk-- all the while making an effort to ask people how they're doing and wishing them well.

While I can't control what's happening in my body, I can still try to make positive choices and do what I can right here where I'm at. I still get grumpy and I often feel lazy, but I guess what I'm getting at by writing/thinking this through is that I've identified some things I struggle with and I want to make a change instead of settling for a mediocre experience.

Party of 16

2009-12-20T23:32:00.001-05:00

It was a really fun way to gather for the holiday season! I planned and executed a meal for 16 (13 teenagers and 3 adult volunteers) and it went off without a hitch! First course was a choice between chicken rice soup or autumn vegetable soup, then turkey dinner with stuffing, potatoes and salad, and the night was finished off with cherry and chocolate cheese cake. It was great fun and it was even nicer to see so many kids show up. Now I will sit and wait for my foot massage. :)

Christmas break...

2009-12-02T09:18:00.004-05:00

... is almost here! YAY!

Remember when we used to get snow?

Fond Recollections: Barn Owl Edition

2009-11-26T11:11:00.008-05:00

Some of my fondest musical experiences were with Barn Owl-- self proclaimed Rock/Folk/Gospel band. We blurred the lines when it came to genre and even with our unpolished sound, somehow people kept inviting us back! It wasn't just the music that captured my heart, it was the experience of making the music. This took place back before I was married when I was still Leslie Fidler and got ragged on for playing the violin These excerpts are taken from a CBC Radio 3 write-up and are a great account of the kind of antics I experienced:

"Barn Owl formed in 2004 for a Cock n' Bull Christmas party. They played six songs, broke four strings and two sets of drum sticks. Guitarist and songwriter Jared Both screamed so loud during the end of “Death of a Submariner” that after the performance he sounded like a sixty year old smoker.

The first year at York university the band played where ever they could-- usually at open mics at the Cock 'n Bull but also once on the rooftop of the Ross Building. That is the origin of their Do-it-Yourself folk spirit, which is best heard on their first album “Wooden Hall Show”. "Wooden Hall Show" was practiced and recorded live on one fall weekend of 2005 at Alex Unger's apartment.

Sebastian Ostertag, the youngest person to run for the NDP during 2005 federal election, officially joined the band during the weekend of recording. He has been committed to the band ever since, even though he also studies classical music in London, recorded and toured with the Basia Bulat and Jared traumatically spilled beer on Seb's unbelievably expensive cello.

After a year Barn Owl expanded aesthetically to become more dance-able and top forty hit oriented with a drummer. Jared brought his drums down from Owen Sound to his new home downtown TO and for a year Drew Taylor moved back and forth from bass to drums.

Pat Piper entered the stage and proved to a Rancho Relaxo audience that Barn Owl could play the 'punkiest' version Motherless Child since Richie Haven's version to open Woodstock. As a drummer Pat is fearless for the reason that Jared, at the climax of most songs, will smash his kit with his guitar and body. [Not on purpose, but due to lack of awareness of where he is within his physical surroundings] Once at the Savanna Room on College Street, Jared was stomping so hard during “Young Explorers” that he slipped and fell onto the cymbals and broke one of the stands. This effectively testified to the audience that Barn Owl has little regard for its own safety or material belongings.

The last person to complete the current line up was piano and violin player Leslie Fidler who was a high school friend of Jared and Sebastian. Actually the trio of friends had performed together before in the high school musical H.M.S. Pinafore. It was Leslie's station wagon that traveled during a February snow storm to record the first chilling tracks from “Chasing the Glow” at Zion Kepple Church near Wiarton. The heater was so loud that they had to turn it off while Alex recorded. Everyone put on their winter coats and hats and huddled around candles in wine bottles to stay warm. To use the rural church a deal was brokered with the small congregation's representative Mrs. Hill: $50 for the weekend but only if they played some gospel songs on Sunday.

Lable: Journeys End Studios

Influences: Neil Young, Against Me!, Ghost Mice

Albums: Wooden Hall Show, Chasing the Glow -- Available on CD and Vinyl"

And that was the birth of a wonderful creative experiment. Cheers to my band mates and friends! I hope to play again with you sometime soon.

Homesick for Georgian Bay

2009-11-22T19:04:00.014-05:00

This is the longest I've stayed "settled" in one place since I turned 16 and this is the most time I've spent in the city in my whole life. I feel like urban life is swallowing me whole and I don't know what to do about it. At first I felt panic, then I felt nervousness. Now I feel restless. It's impossible to describe how unnatural the city feels for me.

I stayed home from class on Friday, feeling overwhelmed by this season in my life. I love school and the decision to miss class pained me initially (especially since I enjoy it so much) but I needed silence. I needed to try and find a simple quiet moment before I lost myself completely. It was fleeting but it happened in front of the fire in a quiet home. It wasn't the woods though. It wasn't the lake and I miss my paddle. I'm not sure what I'm going to do or how I'm going to last for the next few years until Joe is done school.

I don't mean to sound simple and so closed-minded. I'm sure the city has much to offer but I need more trees and less noise.

The years leading up to my decision to go back to school were filled with a lengthy trip across canada (two months) followed by two months of living in a cabin by myself on the Bruce Penninsula. That was my most favorite time. There was no cable, no radio, no telephone and no cell phone service. I was told by the cabin's landlord that it was wise to get a big dog to help keep me safe on the trails. I didn't believe him until I woke up one morning to find large bearprints on my dirty car. I got a dog named Shadow that week. We ran into black bears often along our walks. Shadow looked like a bear himself-- half black lab and half collie (as in lassie-- not boarder collie).

For the last month of my stay in the cabin it was me, Shadow and my camera. I would be up on the Bruce for 6 days during the week and would drive 1.5 hrs into town on Sunday to visit the ones I loved and pick up groceries.

Picture taking, hiking, silence; it was time with God that I'll never have back again and it was so precious to me. I feel as though the transition has been so difficult because I came from a world that is the polar opposite of the one I'm in now. One week it's just me and the dog. The next week I'm living in the suburbs with my in-laws-- all 5 of them. I love them dearly.

I'm just feeling tired of this "city life".

Who do I listen to?

2009-11-18T19:52:00.004-05:00

When I was sixteen I could often be found driving with the windows down listening to Led Zepplin, Jimi Hendrix, The Eagles, Van Morrison.... just to name a few. But these days traffic is louder, horns are more intrusive, lights are brighter and the air is thicker. I've had to compensate for the assult on my senses and turn to the lighter side of my collection (although on a good day I'll still break out my Phish albums)

I've been thinking and talking alot about music these days since it's always been music that's led me through the seasons in my life. I learned piano as a little girl and stuck with it for about 10 years... then tenor sax through high school. Guitar came about during my years on camp staff at Presqu'ile point and for the last 8 or 9 years it's been violin -- cape breton style fiddling to be exact, although I've been known to play the odd classical piece. Between school, snapping photographs and teaching violin lessons my time to enjoy music has been downsized. Without a musical identity I feel like I'm in some sort of cosmic limbo right here and right now.

I've had the following musical artists to keep me company through the mountaintops and valleys of this adventure of mine. If you're into folk, roots and the like you'll surely enjoy these recommendations. Look them up on youtube, visit their websites or listen for free on imeem.com

David Francey

James Taylor

Kobo Town

Old Man Luedecke

Rose Cousins

Bob Snider

Nick Drake

Ellen McIlwaine

Richard Laviolette

Autumn

2009-11-16T23:03:00.003-05:00

It feels as though nature is holding its breath. It's as if winter might spring out of the darkest corner at any second and snatch the precious sunny warmth out from under us. The birds in my backyard can't decide what to do.

I miss birdwatching so I've installed a feeder and a suet basket in our yard. I'm thrilled to say that we've had a variety of birds already and the chickadees are comfortable enough with me to eat out of my hand. I suppose after sitting outside to watch them they've gotten used to me being there.

We've been able to identify the following birds (many with the help of my bird-watching guide):

Bluejay

Cardinal family (male, female and two youngsters!!)

Mourning dove

Chickadee

Woodpecker

Foxtail sparrow

Various finches

Junco

Thrush (although I'm not sure if I'm identifying it correctly)

We haven't had any gold finches yet although we've seen a few other types of finch which seems unusual. We also have one roley poley squirrel but he won't be back for a visit anytime soon. Our resident birdfeeder guard dog, Charlie, has been staying on top of the situation.

Old Man Luedecke and Red Wine

2009-11-11T23:18:00.008-05:00

Like peanut butter and jelly.

Try it.

I dare you.

(Also acceptable: Bruce Cockburn and spiced rum)

I'm organized!

2009-11-09T21:14:00.002-05:00

Every September I'd develop a strategy for staying on top of my school work. I'd outline each power play like a pro athlete and I'd charge out into play with all of the gusto in the world.. At least until the beginning of October. It seemed that each year on September 30th at 11:59pm I'd trudge out from beneith piles of crumpled paper and crawl into bed with a sigh of defeat. I'd make my way to class with a blank look on my face not knowing what was due next.

This year I decided things would be different. I made my plan more simple and less complex. I kept things realistic instead of planning idealistically. I suppose that's the advice I'd offer to anyone who is trying to get organized. Small, managable goals work best.. That, and a day timer.

Light painting, 50mm's and loneliness

2009-11-06T23:04:00.011-05:00

I was torn between two posts, one about my light painting/50mm escapades and a second about my experiences with public transit, when I came to the stunning realization that this is my blog and I'm the boss. What have I decided? I'm posting both topics in one entry and there's nothing you can do about it. Gold star if you are able to draw a connection between the two as I'm unable. I'm almost certain this will be an unorganized rambling. (Reader beware!)

I discovered light painting at 8:00pm last saturday evening, and by 9:00pm I was 30 minutes into a light painting extravaganza. My sister-in-law was a very patient model and my beagle Charlie was a terrible assistant as usual. I can never count on him to do anything (least of all photo retouching-- terrible eye for it.) Here is what we came up with no thanks to Charlie. These images have not been manipulated with photoshop-- this is how they appeared when they came off of the camera.

Now onto some 50mm fun. I had an unfortunate accident with my camera earlier saturday morning last weekend. A large gust of wind lept over our fence, sprinted across the backyard and tackled my camera to the ground-- tripod and all. My 18-105mm lens has plastic threads holding it to the camera body, and even though it face-planted into our lawn, the impact was enough to break off one of the threads rendering the lens useless. I was less than thrilled but it was just what I needed as an excuse to buy the 50mm lens I'd been eyeing while I wait for the other to be fixed. It was easier to reason it out to Joe this way. It's super fast, super slick and takes lovely portraits. Charlie was kind enough to flash his better side my way so I could click out a few pet pics. Here's what I've got: (he's actually kind of cute when he's not licking himself)

FINALLY: On an entirely different note I had a sad and empty experience as I got off the shuttle bus from York to the GO train station. Everyone filed out-- nearly 50 people-- and no one spoke as we made the slow saunter along the walkway to the train platform. I felt extremely uncomfortable with how silent it was. It felt like a death march and everybody was so careful to keep their distance. Why is there such a strong social pressure to keep silent? I wished I could have jumped right into it and learned everything about the people around me today. I wanted to know so badly what makes them excited about life, what are their worries? What do they wish they could let go of? What are they hopeful for?

How is it possible for so many people to seem so lonely in each others company?

Missing Him

2009-10-24T00:19:00.003-04:00

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell." -- Edna St Vincent Millay

Joe left today for a youth retreat. He's a youth pastor so I guess that's what happens, right? I left him at home as I drove to school today knowing that he wouldn't be there when I got home. Even though I wasn't consciously sad about it something felt different as I drove away. Even though I am happy to have an evening to myself I feel different. It leads me to think that there is actually something to this "one in spirit" stuff... They said it at our wedding-- "two become one" and I thought it was a lovely idea but I never thought of it literally until now. I'm here at home... it's12:25am and even though I'm content to be here on my own, I feel like part of me is missing-- something integral to my existence is absent.

I think I miss him.

Facing a giant

2009-10-03T23:43:00.002-04:00

I pinkie-swore my husband that I would go to bed at 10:30pm. He said he would to. I'm sitting at the computer, he's playing video games with his brother.

We're awake.

We've had a couple of late nights in a row due to uncontrollable events and we've compensated by sleeping in on those days. This has inched our internal clocks about 2 hours out of what we'd consider to be "normal". 10:30pm bedtimes and 7:30am mornings have been replaced by 12:30pm bedtimes and 9:30am mornings!I feel rotten. My body is mad at me and my spirit is suffering because my time to be silent and meditate has been stolen by my weak will.

With that, I'll be sauntering off to bed. I'll set my alarm to 7:30am.

We'll try again tomorrow.

Original Thought Assignment - Home

2009-09-27T22:09:00.004-04:00

"Create an image that communicates the idea of 'home'. Your image cannot have the interior or the exterior of a house in it."

Plugged in and Psyched up

2009-09-19T16:49:00.003-04:00

After months with no internet access at home we are finally back into the world of wireless! The purchase of a wireless modem has allowed us endless electronic freedom and our in-laws (with whom we reside) are happy to let us set it up! I look forward to posting again in the near future. :)

2009-06-29T17:00:00.003-04:00

I go though waves of contentment but every so often the reality of how I really feel comes out. I am not a city girl. I've never been a city girl and I can't keep up with the fast-paced lifestyle where productivity is prized over relationship. I miss my home church, I miss the shores of Georgian Bay and I miss being quiet there.

Ruling the road!

2009-06-08T12:44:00.003-04:00

My Ford Taurus has taken me everywhere... I've slept in it, I've cried in it, I kissed my future husband in it I've left the country in it and left my wedding in it too but now it's time to say goodbye...

...And hello to the 2005 Pontiac Vibe! We're pretty excited and we had our first adventure in it this past weekend as we drove a group of students up to Cheslea Lake for a retreat. I've always wanted one of these cars, and I'm happy to say that I'm now the proud new owner of one!

I got a letter from Seneca in the mail yesterday.

2009-04-30T13:49:00.002-04:00

I'm going to be a photographer!!

On Youth Pastoring...

2009-04-30T12:45:00.007-04:00

Wake up, walk dog, shower, eat, leave.
Drive to work, see my to-do list and jump right in:

Meetings, filing, phone calls, planning events, booking events, finding Bible verses, games, writing messages...

Ironically, the first thing that seemed to suffer was my personal time with God. Recently I was looking through the book of Jeremiah and stumbled onto a section about God's case against His People. (Chapter 2:1-13) I started reading and got all warm and fuzzy as I read how the Lord described His people:

"I remember how eager you were to please me
as a young bride long ago,
how you loved me and followed me
even through barren wilderness..." [v2]

Awww. "Ya! That's me, that's me!" I thought to myself. But as I skimmed down the text started to show the contrast in the Israelites' behavior. It was in the middle of this description that I found something that stuck into me like a fork into a chicken nugget.

"The priests did not ask, 'Where is the Lord?'
Those who taught my word ignored me,
and the prophets spoke in the name of Baal,
wasting their time on worthless idols..."

In allowing myself to become so busy with ministry, I was missing something key-- waiting on God. This key was the difference between the young bride and the priest. In my busy-ness I didn't ask "Where is the Lord". I taught the word of God but ignored God. I acted like a prophet who spoke in the name of Leslie and I wasted tonnes of time trapped in my own head-- my own wisdom was my worthless idol.

Realizing this and struggling through it has made me re-evaluate what my "real" time with God should look like. In my mind, I'd spent"real" time with God if I thought ONLY of non-work related things. It never occured to me that I could incorporate personal time into my day at work. Meditating before I write a message can be included as personal time spent with God. Preparing to lead a Bible study by reflecting on scripture is personal time spent with God. I don't have to drill through these preparation periods with little to no meditation in an attempt to free up "REAL" time with God later.

When I skip the listening and I go straight to the doing, it ends up taking longer to plan things and I do the opposite of what I want-- to save time.

All of this to say: cutting corners to save time will leave you with a lifeless message a lifeless spirit and a longer work-day. Wait on Him.

Back to School

2009-04-21T09:39:00.004-04:00

In the time between the last post and this one a lot has happened. Joe and I packed up all of our worldly belongings and transported them to the Puiras basement in Newmarket. We're living with Joe's family in order to save some money as we go back to school. Also, we've welcomed our new beagle into our home and we couldn't be happier! Charlie is very laid back, rarely barks and is a fast learner.

Charlie and I are starting school! Charlie is going to PetSmart obedience classes with us on Monday nights, and I found out that I have been accepted to Seneca's photography program!

So good news all around!

Beagles and Blessings

2009-04-01T13:48:00.004-04:00

My whole life was spent in the company of one dog or another. Scottie was a sheltie and he was my friend from the beginning of my life until grade 4. In grade 5 he passed away and we got Kaylie, another sheltie, who lived for the next 12 years. Near the end of Kaylie's life we adopted a second dog named Shadow. He was a collie/lab mix and Kaylie tolorated him. Unfortunately he had to be put down because he had severe anxiety problems. Kaylie died shortly after that and that was the end of all the dogs in my life.

It's been well over a year since I decided Joe and I needed a dog of our own, and it's been since Christmas that Joe has agreed with me. We wanted a beagle. He or she would be 2+ years old, small-medium size, calm, quiet, good with kids, good with cats and Joe specifically wanted our dog to have "floppy ears". I looked at online adoption websites and we popped in and out of local shelters all turning up "empty". At least until last Saturday.

Charlie (as we have affectionately named him) has the whole package and more. We spent 2 hours with him last weekend and he was the perfect little gentleman but the only trouble was we wouldn't be able to come back for him for another week. We asked the shelter worker if she could hold him and she said it was against their rules. It looked like we had to take our chances. We went outside with him one more time and we gave him to God. We said "If he is the dog for us, he will be here when we can come back to get him. If he gets adopted, God must have someone better in mind."

We walked back into the shelter prepared to say thank you and goodbye when we heard the worker say "I just got off the phone with [the shelter manager]. We'll hold him for you and you can pick him up next week." Praise the Lord!

I've done some work for the shelter in the past and had helped raise some money for their spay and neuter fund. As a thank you they are giving Charlie to us for free and are having him neutered too!! What a blessing!

Sudden changes and surprises

2009-03-23T21:57:00.003-04:00

Last Monday I was packing my house. Joe and I were moving to Guelph. It seems that God has other plans for us. I wrote a note to some friends and family with regard to the sudden change of blans which I will post on here. During this time of transition, your prays would be greatly appreciated!
------------------------------
Last week Joe and I were approached because the youth pastor at Aurora Cornerstone Church was moving on and the church staff felt led to offer us the position. We've taken a faith step and have decided to stay in Aurora and have Joe return to Tyndale to finish his degree. Joe is going to continue working for his dad, but he will help to come up with ideas and also will run programs with me. My job will be to work the office hours and iron out details. Our positions has us pastoring kids/teens who are in grades 5 - 12. Starting this week, we'll be running a Jr. High youth group for kids in grades 5-8, and we'll be running a Sr. high group for teens in grades 9-12. The Sr. High group has also planned a trip to inner city Chicago to work with local programs. As far as I know this includes soup kitchens and some child/senior programs in the community. We're really still trying to learn as much as we can about what was already in the works. There's a lot planned and I am impressed with how the previous youth pastor has been able to get the youth involved. I know they're going to miss him very much. We're grateful that this position has opened up, and we're humbled that it has opened up to us. We'll be moving to the Aurora area to live with Joe's parents until further notice. The plan is to find a place in the fall or maybe even a bit later so we can save a little extra money. So there you have it! Exciting times, and lots of changes.

We're just excited for the opportunity to love these kids and see them grow!

Amazing Wonders of the Deep

2009-03-18T19:00:00.004-04:00

Joe and I have a blue betta named Simon. He lives in a 10 gallon tank in our bedroom and swims about happily day in and day out. On a recent trip to the pet store for some cat food we were inspired to find some new tank-mates for our pal Simon. We learned that tetras were fine with beta fish and we also learned that these little creatures called ghost shrimps were fine too! 10$ later we have two ghost shrimp (who we affectionately named Shrimp Tempura and Shrimp Maki) and three neon tetras (names to come). We've introduced everyone and all seems peacful, much to my excitement. They're so beautiful to watch. We're looking forward to adding a few more tetras to the mix.

Notes about Singing the Blues

2009-03-17T15:15:00.004-04:00

I'm in a pretty good mood today but for some reason I just feel like singin' the blues. I'd like to share with you this helpful guide in case you'd like to join me.

1. Most Blues begin “woke up this morning.”

2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in right away:I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.She got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weighs 500 pounds.

4. The Blues are not about limitless choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars are Chevies, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Other acceptable Blues transportation modes include Greyhound buses and southbound trains. Walkin’ plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.

6. Adults sing the Blues. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. In the Blues, "adulthood" means old enough to get the electric chair when you shoot that man in Memphis.

7. You can have the Blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont, Tucson, or North Dakota are just depression. The best places to have the Blues are still Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg while skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg when your broken-down pickup truck rolled over on it is.

9. The following colors do not belong in the Blues: violet, beige, mauve (unless you’re truly desperate for a rhyme).

10. You can’t have the Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is just plain wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

11. Good places to have the Blues: the highway, a jailhouse, an empty bed, the bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places to have the Blues: ashrams, gallery openings, weekends in the Hamptons, golf courses, Tiffany's, and Ivy League institutions.

12. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man—and it’s an old black suit.

13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Answer “Yes” if:
a. your first name is a southern state—like Georgia
b. you’re blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can’t be satisfied.
e. you're older than dirt
Answer “No” if:
a. you once were blind but now can see
b. you’re deaf
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a trust fund
e. you have all your teeth
f. you were once blind but now can see

14. Blues is not about color, it's about bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues; Gary Coleman could. Ugly old white people got a leg up on the blues. Julio Iglesias and Barbra Streisand will never sing the Blues.

15. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: wine, whiskey, muddy water, beer, black coffee. Blues beverages are NOT: mixed drinks, kosher wine, sparkling water, Snapple, Starbucks Frappuccino, or Slim Fast. Although Rubber Biscuits and the Wish Sandwich are famous blues snacks, better stick to common blues grub like Greasy Bar-b-que, Fatback and beans, and Government cheeze. Blues food is never: Club sandwich, Sushi, or Crème brule.

16. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a Blues death. So is substance abuse, the electric chair, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a Blues death to die during liposuction or from tennis elbow.

17. Excellent names for female Blues singers: Sadie, Big Momma, Bessie, or Fat River Dumpling. Excellent names for male Blues singers: Willie, Joe, Little Willie, Lightning, or Big Willie. Singers with names like Muffy, Sierra, Auburn, Alexis, Gwenyth, Sequoiz, Brittany or Rainbow are not permitted to sing the Blues, no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

18. The Build Your Own Blues Singer Name Starter Kit:a. Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, Asthmatic)b. First name (from above lists) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)c. Last name of a U. S. president (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)Examples: Blind Lime Jefferson, Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Okay, maybe not "Kiwi"…)

19. I don't care how tragic your life; if you own a computer, you cannot sing the Blues.You'd best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or shotgun. Maybe your big ass woman just done sit on it. I don't care

20. Hey there, you can READ! This too be a big ol' problem. Most folks singin' theBlues ain't never had much a chance for education. In the Blues… the three R's standfor Railroads, Runnin' and Rehab.

21. It gots to be dark to sing the blues, preferably after midnight. Singin' da blues at noon is forbidden.

22. If none of the above works, try one last, pathetic stab at authenticity: name your guitar. Remember, Lucille is taken.

23. Epitaph on a blues musician's tombstone: "I didn't wake up this morning"

I like to procrastinate!

2009-03-13T11:21:00.002-04:00

It's 11:23am. I woke up at 8am with ambitions galore! I was going to work away at my Beth Moor Bible study, do dishes, make the bed, start packing, go to the grocery store and get caught up on my Bible reading (I should be in Deuteronomy already and I'm still trying to finish Leviticus).

What did I do this morning? Laid in bed until 9, got up and edited some pictures on my computer, went on facebook, wrote some emails.. and now I'm blogging. Mark my words, I'm going to get going after I finish this post.

Seneca!

2009-03-12T10:15:00.003-04:00

Today is the day I have my interview with the coordinator of the photography program at Seneca. I have to take an english test, submit a letter of intent and present a portfolio of 10 pictures that best represent my work. I'm a bit nervous but I'm confident that I have a good eye and I am more than willing to grow and learn as much as I can. I'm pretty excited.

----------------------------------

My interview went well! He said that I have a really good shot at getting accepted to their program. He thought my portfolio was strong and that he had a sense I was in this for real and I wanted to take it seriously-- which is what they're looking for. Among my photos, here are the ones he liked best:

Tithing

2009-03-10T11:30:00.003-04:00

I must admit that money has been tight lately and this has really exposed my lack of faith. When we seem to have just enough to cover our expenses it's hard to give 10%. I also really like shopping... which makes things worse.

Creative Juice

2009-03-06T11:21:00.002-05:00

I have to admit, I've been incredibly destracted with blogger lately. It really started 2 days ago. I'm planning to go into a photography program in September. I've been doing freelance for a few years but it's time to get more professional since the reality of this being my career one day is starting to set in. As a result I've been getting business cards together, trying to work out contracts and organize my paperwork. I'm also setting up a website. It's kind of exciting-- it feels like I'm starting my own business. I'm in the creative stage where I get to try and establish a style/feel for my webpage and my work. Therein lies the danger. When it comes to creative projects I can get so sucked in that I neglect other important responsibilities.

I lack balance.

Please pray for me-- for balance!

Where has the time gone?

2009-03-04T10:30:00.004-05:00

Just yesterday I was sitting on my mother's back porch. "Yes, I'll go to camp" Little did I know that would unleash desire to explore. A bloodthirst for discovery.
Just yesterday I was in my aunts livingroom taking ownership of a beat up, hand-me-down old fiddle.
Just yesterday I was walking through the courtyard of a castle in England, for that was the path from my bedroom to the coffee shop where I would buy a pack of gum that day.
Just yesterday I woke up on a beach on an abandoned island off of Halifax harbor to the sight of pawprints circling our tent. I'd heard her howl the night before but I didn't realise she'd come so close.
It was yesterday that my eye caught the sight of wild swans retreating from their rest on the Yukon river-- startled by the thundering whisper of my kayak in the water.
Yesterday I met a boy and he took me to dinner. We spoke of salvation and angels and demons. He loved me then, and I didn't know.
Yesterday I received a ring and he sang me a tune. He didn't know he was singing his way into a sweeping river of adventure.
Yesterday I rocked an unsuspecting Toronto bar with my bow, fiddle and with the power of the Holy Spirit.

Today my house is empty and it's quiet.
What's next?

Sushi Sushi, Yum Yum! (Take II)

2009-03-03T09:06:00.005-05:00

I woke up thismorning after 5 hours of sleep and decided that tonight for dinner I'm going to make sushi for the first time. Joe and I *love* sushi. My roommate used to make it and she left me her rolling mat and some rice vinegar so all I need are the seaweed sheets (nori), rice and my fillings! I'm going to surprise Joe and we'll have a "sushi date" but without the expensive pricetag!! I'm going to play safe though and use mostly veggies. I might get some of that fake crab meat and make california rolls... Maybe some salmon. Either way, I'm just excited to get into the kitchen and start creating!

---------------------------------

I've been doing a bit of poking around the house and I can't get it off of my mind. I need to share why I only had 5 hours of sleep. To be honest: sheer excitement. I've been whisked along through my walk with God over the last 5 years that I've believed Jesus knows me and gave his life for me. Through it all I've managed to experience it as though I was looking through one of those frosted glass windows. God's will for my life has been so elusive... Until last night.

I don't have all of the answers yet, but all I know is that this morning the air feels different. My surroundings are more vibrant-- there are more vivid lines. I'm waking up. I can feel my artistic spirit being revived. I'm stepping into a dream that's becoming real.

Moving Day

2009-03-02T10:45:00.005-05:00

On December 1st my mother-in-law has permission from the rest of the family to officially declare: "Tis the season!" And for the next several months you'll find knick-knacks on every surface and the sound of Christmas Carols streaming from the kitchen along with the most delicious smells.

Well, today is March 2nd and with packing tape in hand I am officially declaring: TIS THE SEASON! We're packing it all up and resting temporarily in Newmarket before making our final stop (at least for the next few years) in Guelph, Ontario. Why Guelph? It's smaller than Toronto and therefore more managable for my rural brain. Also, we know wonderful people who live in Guelph, they have a thriving arts scene and a very affordable cost of living. I'm excited!

Today marks the day we begin transitioning. I'm going to start in the bedroom and clean out all of the drawers and areas of the closet that have aquired junk. Most of it will be donated to Value Village and the rest will be going into the recycling or garbage. I'm playing with the idea of having an "apartment sale" whereby I invite my friends over to pick through everything before I donate stuff to the VV. That way they'd get some new stuff and I'd have a bit of money to help cover the cost of moving. Wooott!

Why Driving a Station Wagon Doesn't Make Me a Soccer Mom

2009-02-25T07:58:00.005-05:00

I'm loading up and driving "home" today. I'm quite excited about it actually. I'll get to sleep in my old bed and spend time with my mom and old friends! I've been sort of milling around the last week because work is finished and I don't start my next odd job until the first week of March. Joe and I thought it might be nice for me to go up north for a few days to get away from the city. My mode of transportation? The station wagon!

Things commonly associated with the stationwagon?
- soccer moms
- old people
- beaver board
- slow driving
- grandmas

Now, I'm just going to skip over the essay about how practical it is. The station wagon is so obviously practical it doesn't need to be argued. Instead I'll just get you to think back. The "wagon" has nearly always been the preferred mode of transportation! When hundreds of brave pioneer families set out across this fair land what did they travel in (besides canoes)? Wagons. When you were young chances are you had one. I'm going to take it further to say that even now that you're grown I bet you've wished you could be pulled around in one again. Be honest. Haven't you been out walking somewhere and seen a kid being pulled in a wagon by his/her parents and thought "I wish someone would pull me"?

I'm pulled by 145 horses, baby..

In my station wagon.

Okay, I admit it.

2009-02-24T15:07:00.002-05:00

I'm wearing a dress and pants at the same time.

So shoot me.

A taste of summer!

2009-02-24T14:31:00.005-05:00

Around this time of year I start to think, "Will spring ever come?". This ususally inspires me to cook summery dishes and desserts. I found this absolutely delicious/easy recipe. It's so good that I'm going to post it in hopes that it will be added to someone elses list of family favourites. If you end up making it, let me know how it turned out!

Mix in large bowl with a mixer:

1 package of cream cheese

1/2 cup vegetable oil

3 eggs

2 tsp vanilla extract

Add to mixture:
1 pkg yellow/vanilla cake mix
1 cup fresh blueberries or a 15 oz can of blueberries (drained)

Grease and flour a pan and bake at 350 for 45-55 minutes or until nice n' brown.

The cake batter should be nice n' thick and it will come out like a pound cake when it's done.
I also found a recipe for blueberry sauce and I spooned it over the cake as I served it.. here it is in case you'd like it.

Boil in a pot:
1 cup crushed blueberries
1/8 cup sugar
1.5 tsp lemon juice (i used water because I didn't have lemon juice)
Pinch of salt
Let the pot boil for 1 minute before adding 1 tsp vanilla extract. Cool it and then serve!

The cake isn't terribly sweet but it has great flavour on its own, so you can go easy on the sugar in the blueberry sauce.

Bon appetite!

Proverbs 3:1-12

2009-02-17T12:30:00.005-05:00

My child, never forget the things I ave taught you. Store my commands in your heart. If you do this, you will live many years, and your life will be satisfying Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart. Then you will find favor with both God and people, and you will earn a good reputation.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Do not be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.

Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce. Then he will fill your barns with grain, and your vats will overflow with good wine.

My child, don't reject the Lord's discipline, and don't be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.

Lists

2009-02-09T10:41:00.005-05:00

My husband likes to keep lists. He used to do it all the time and it overwhelmed me. Who wants to be reminded of the mountain of work ahead of them? I've started keeping lists. I wrote one this morning. I used to be overwhelmed because I'd see the 25 things he had to accomplish and it looked hopeless and discouraging. I've since discovered the satisfaction of sitting down with the same list at the end of the day and looking at all off the things I've crossed off. The days that I don't make lists I wander around the house and try to do things as I remember them but I waste a lot of time and I inevitably forget something that should have been done.

Here are some guidelines that I've developed about list making that turn it into a positive experience!

1. Be realistic! Don't write more things down than you could realistically do in one day. It's discouraging to see that you didn't finish everything you wanted to.
2. Add some easy tasks like "take a shower" or "have lunch break". They're things that you'd probably do with or without a list, but it feels good to cross them out and makes you feel like you're making some list progress.
3. When you accomplish the things you've set for the day give yourself permission to take a break and don't add onto your list!! There will always be more work and you'll always have things you could be doing that need to be done, but pace yourself and remember that you can make another list tomorrow!! If you are working through your day with no end in sight it's easier to give up.

I hope these help. It's taken me months to arrive at these conclusions but now I feel way more productive and my "me-time" is guiltless because I feel it's well-earned!

Reality TV

2009-02-02T23:47:00.002-05:00

Joe and I wanted to try and apply for a reality tv show but we were sad to discover that our relationship is too functional to qualify. I still think we're interesting enough. We love each other in nonsensical ways and I think we're anything but boring.

I blame worship music

2008-11-30T10:14:00.006-05:00

Last night I was at my inlaws last night for Pikkujoulu ("Little Christmas"). We'd just sung a large selection of Finnish christmas carols and danced around their house in stocking caps when they walked through the front door. He sat down at the piano and she beside him on a stool. They went to TOWN. It was beautiful.

When I started playing violin I practiced for hours everyday. I improved dramatically and joined a chamber orchestra during my last year of high school. I was challenged and my violin teacher pushed me to do better. My lessons ended. I started bowing along in the background at church.

Then I lost my motivation to practice. Then my ability to read sheet music. Then my dexterity. Then my technique.

He is the director of a choir and orchestra-- a very talented musician with an incredible ear. He turned to me and said "Would you like to be able to play again?"

I nodded.

His reply: "We start in January. I will get you in shape."

Is anybody out there? {echo-echo-echo}

2008-10-01T11:33:00.003-04:00

Part I: Motivations
I remember the days when *everybody* was on blogspot. I blogged a lot back then and then, like so many others, when facebook came out I switched over and my blogging stopped. The weird thing was that my passion to journal (as in, writing thoughts in my paper pages) also slowed to a trickle. This causes me to entertain a terrifying thought-- why was I journaling and blogging? For peer approval? Did I entertain fantasies that someone would fall in love with my words? Did I chase after being seen as someone who is deep or artistic? Or did Facebook just occupy so much of my time that I had little desire to journal afterward? I'd like to believe the latter. This post is my new start and to prove to myself that even if nobody is watching, I'm still able to see this through. I know who I am and I am learning to be confident and secure in that. Hi, I'm Leslie Puiras.

Part II: My Journal Doesn't Fit Right.
My journal doesn't fit right. I have been through 5 journals. If you look at their pages, they all look well warn. Each page contains a mixture of doodles, photos, random objects taped in, and all surrounded by the words that tell their story. Last Christmas I was in a chapters and I found a new journal to replace my old one. It feels like it has too many pages. It's too small. It's not got the right feel. Are these excuses? I'm not sure, but for some reason I can't think of a single thing to write about when I sit down. I'm not inspired to doodle.. I don't jump at the chance to journal... I can't figure out why. It's frustrating. I'm afraid to buy another journal in case the problem follows me to the next one. I dont have money to waste.

Part III: Concrete Prison
Some people love the city. I don't know how to live here. There have been jackhammers going every morning for the last 3 weeks from 8:00am until dinnertime. Its loud. People honk and shout and show little understanding when others make mistakes. There is so much concrete and I don't feel relaxed or welcomed along the sidewalks of this grey city. I don't often go out unless I have somewhere to get to.

Part IV: Revelation
Maybe Part I & II are a symptom of Part III.

Rants of self re-discovery

2007-11-07T22:04:00.001-05:00

Find the girl squatting upon the rocks
Poking a stick into the lake
Shattering the smooth glass of its surface
As the sun sets beyond the farmers fields

She wears her rubber boots and a warm jacket
Existing seprately from bachelor of arts degrees and wedding plans,
Traffic jams and rent cheques

Look for her and slow yourself to speak to her
A few kind, soft words and an adventerous spirit
Ought to bring her out of her hiding
In a world far too fast for her she belongs in few places:
In the seconds before the sun dips below the highrise apartments
In the crunching of dry leaves beneath your boots
She lives in the smell of the frost in your backyard
The kind that blankets the grass before the world wakes up to go to work
In the flicker of the candle light that reflects from the wide and excitable eyes
Of musicians banging out symphonies of sound on their acoustic guitars

Doll Face

2007-06-08T22:58:00.000-04:00

I know it's been a while, but this is interesting, and worth posting. Take a look.
"A machine with a doll face mimics images on television screen in search of a satisfactory visage. Doll Face presents a visual account of desires misplaced and identities fractured by our technological extension into the future."

2007-03-19T00:06:00.000-04:00

And crazy as she goes

Thoughts fleeting, feet dancing nowhere

Twist and twirl like her hair

All hope, bright, promised future

Is a mist and finally unseen

To step from sin into unknown, and I am clean

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I've so much desire to create and do, that I sometimes feel as though I can create and do nothing.

2007-03-06T22:26:00.001-05:00

I feel like I’m both self-destructing and spreading my wings toward freedom. In this moment I feel real and as myself. I sit in a candle-lit kitchen with Ben Harper/Damien Rice on the stereo and a drink. I cry out to the Lord for real freedom—mellow, still, delicate, soft, because words can so easily be written off, but Oh!! Not silence! I yearn for more of these moments by candle light! I need to slow down and listen to the Lord and my spirit’s cry! To get back to my rural roots more often and not be swept away! I can’t ignore the poetry and abstract. I need to embrace what many can’t put into words, because I can! I meet with you, Jesus in the stillness of my kitchen and we dance through uncommon thoughts together. We write songs and poetry, stories and devotionals that the world will never hear or see! I scream to you with my heart the words seldom expressed by busy humans who scurry about to reach an invisible end that they hope to see by their 40s—a place where things plateau and gel and where all change/challenge stops. (This place doesn’t exist) Then they can travel with you in their minds through places, topics and feelings seldom explored! I say no! Take me, Jesus. Take me there now to see you outside the boxes! Outside the assumptions! Free me from my own prison!

The winter wind (aka I'm sorry for the cheese)

2007-02-05T09:59:00.000-05:00

The winter wind is swirling outside my window and I feel so cozy and comfortable in my livingroom on my couch. My mum called me from Owen Sound and they're getting 10-15cm of snow an hour.. Some of the roads are closed and it is supposed to last for the next three days. I'm so excited. It is amazing to be a kid in Owen Sound in the winter. Every morning we would listen to the radio with our fingers crossed hoping to hear our school's name broadcast... Snow days were that magical time when you could sleep in, catch up on the project you didn't do that was supposed to be due that day and as well the day when everyone grabs their GT or crazy carpet and hits the hill. Being 6 and jumping off the roof of my house into the snowbanks.. Sigh. How wonderful.

January/February marks the year anniversary of the Lord beginning new works in me. I feel so humbled to have been brought this far and blessed so much. He's such a god of order. To see the progression upon looking back has been incredible. As I see all the snow falling outside right now think about there being one snowflake for every blessing I've received.. and as I think about how blessed I feel and how often the Lord gives good gifts to His children, I wonder if there are enough snowflakes-- maybe it's not snowing hard enough. He loves us that much? How can it be? I'll never fully understand His love but I'd like to try.

Barn Owl Records

2007-01-24T20:42:00.000-05:00

Soooo we recorded 4 songs for our new album over the weekend... We layed down some of the groundwork and its away being mixed... It's looking like its going to be a long process but I'm liking what i hear so far.. Some of it needs to be re-done.. Here are some pictures:

Survey

2007-01-12T13:29:00.000-05:00

Full Name: Leslie Erin
Nicknames: Les, Lester, Lesbo, Wheels (camp), Lezzels
Hometown: Owen Sound
Croutons or Bacon Bits: Croutons
Favorite Salad Dressing: Poppyseed
Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Yep. No boys allowed! And only at night.
Do you make fun of people: Yes but not bullying—more banter between friends
Have you ever been convicted of a crime?: I had a speeding ticket 3 years ago..
Best friends: Tara, Seanna, James, Jbo, etc. etc. etc. You all know who you are.
One pillow or two?: Several dozen
Pets: Fish and a Dog
Favorite Type of Music: Folk/Post-rock/Indie
Hobbies: Painting, Kayaking, Music, Photography
Dream Car: Jeep Wagoneer—complete with beaver-board. Heh heh heh…
Type of Car you drive now: 97 Taurus Wagon
Words or Phrases you overuse: “ridiculous” and “sweet deal”
Toothpaste: The kind that cleans my teeth?
Favorite Food: Long grain brown rice
Crush: Lauren Dornecamp
Current Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Joseph! He is a BOY.
Piercing or tattoos?: yah.. a couple.
Most romantic thing that ever happened to you: Once when I was dating someone, he sent flowers to my school while he was away at university and I got called down to the office to find the flowers and a note saying that since he couldn’t watch the sunset with me (cuz we caught the odd one over the summer) he would send me one instead—and he sent me sunset coloured roses. I thought that was pretty special.
Do you get along with your parents: Yep. I’m closer with my mum though.
Favorite town to chill in: Sauble Beach or Chesley Lake
Favorite Ice Cream: Bubblegum
Favorite Soft Drink: I don’t drink carbonated beverages
What's your bed time: Ideally 11:00. Realistically, 1:00.
Adidas, Nike, or Reebok: Brand names can P.O.
Favorite Perfume/Cologne: I’m allergic
Favorite Song at the moment: Piper by Phish (at the moment).....
Favorite Website: bluesguide.com
Least Favorite Subject in School: Music Appreciation
Favorite Sport to Watch: Curling. It’s so intense.
Most humiliating moment: I went tubing in the summer and hooked the seat of my bathing suit onto the boat as I was jumping off.. and my suit ripped open and I mooned everyone.
Loudest person you know: Joseph ;)
Craziest person you know (or silliest): Ibid.
Favorite Holiday: Cinco de Mayo
What do you look for in the opposite sex?: Jesus
Things I've learned from life: I’ll write an essay about it later
Favorite number: 372
Favorite color: Unofficially limegreen
Greatest experience in your lifetime: Traveling and spiritual adventures
Why are you here on earth?: To be hands and feet and to pray
Who means the most to you?: My Abba
Drinking habits: Almost non-existent although I’d say a couple times a year in moderation. I enjoy a good cup of tea though on a daily basis.
Windows/Macintosh/Unix: Windows
Favorite Quote: “If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: wine, whiskey, muddy water, beer, black coffee. Blues beverages are NOT: mixed drinks, kosher wine, sparkling water, Snapple, Starbucks Frappuccino, or Slim Fast.”

School, Fish, Joe, Phish, Schoolhouse Rock(s)!!

2007-01-10T12:09:00.000-05:00

Classes started for me on Monday evening. After a sweet time of reunion and reflection over the holidays God's left me feeling challanged and refreshed-- oh how sweet it is! I'm looking forward to continuing to learn and to seeing my classmates and listening to the profs. I'm even looking forward to homework and I want to practice studying so I can do better this time around.

Our apartment is killer and we even have fish!! My roommate named them just last night: the black one is Teryaki and the orange one is called Mystery Roll. Ikea is such a wonderful store but it's almost like a dangerous drug. I need to stop spending money. I feel SO convicted of overspending. I don't go shopping often, but when I do I can blow a tonne of money easily and feel horribly irresponsible and selfish sometimes.

I've been dating Joe for one whole month now. I'm pretty stoked. It feels like it's only been 2 weeks. I must say that it's really nice to have him and to pray with him, walk with him, and share really corny jokes, among other things (for the record, none of which include making out-- which i'm very proud to say. I dont think he'll mind me sharing that.. If he does I'll take this part out.) It's so wonderful to see how excited about life he is and about his faith. His willingness to serve and to humble himself inspires me!! I hope, if you haven't had the chance to talk with him, that you do. I'm not saying that because I like him, but because he's such a neat person and has lots to say from such a unique perspective. To a select few- and you know who you are- stop making fun or imma GET YOU WHILE YOU EAT BREAKFAST. Oh yes. I said it. ;)

Music. Sometimes I go through waves where I have trouble deciding what I want to listen to. I recently became bored of my options but I'm on day 2 of having amazing musical direction.. which is to say that I've had no trouble picking music that I want to listen to and am in love with listening to it again. What's been exciting me lately? I've come full circle and am once again enjoying Phish. I had the craving to listen to the song Piper from their Farmhouse album and I was *hooked* all over again (heh heh get it? Phish? Hooked? pardon the pun).. So from there I progressed, naturally to Blind Melon which I've never stopped enjoying but I found a cover they did of a song from Schoolhouse Rock!! Do you remember that show?! I have them all on DVD and ABSOLOUTELY LOVE THE MUSIC. Anyway, they covered 3 is a magic number which is such a wonderful song in the first place.. Then you add to it that Blind Melon is covering it and so it almost makes me want to cry and then wet myself.. or wet myself and then cry. It's almost in my top 10 of the best things that have happened to me since Jesus.

Everyone's getting married... What the heck??

2007-01-03T00:15:00.000-05:00

Today alone, I learned of 4 new engagements. Love is in the air. It's weirding me out. I feel like I'm not a grown-up yet and that I've tricked everyone into believing i'm an adult when I'm not.. Which means all of you around me who are my age and getting married-- even though I suppose it's about that time of our lives i still feel the urge to say this: You're still babies. Stop it!

All that being said, I can tell you who's not engaged-- ME. That's right. Ya baby!!

Some random thoughts. I don't feel like sharing anything important today.

2006-12-28T11:38:00.000-05:00

Happy Christmas, friends.

Why is it so hard for me to write about anything? Goodness. I haven't been able to blog in weeks. It's as though I have SO MUCH to say that I have nothing to say at all.. but is that even possible? So even though I COULD say a lot of things, I'm really happy not to right now.

I need to buy some new pants. I'm not happy with the pants that I have. The ones I like best have a hole looming over the left knee which threatens to grow wildly out of control (much like the GTA).

I'm sitting quietly by a window watching half a million squirrels chase each other up and down our yard and through the trees. I'm waiting for the sun to melt the skiff of snow we finally got which will pull our city back into brown nothingness. This time last year, we were under 4 feet of snow (no exaggeration) and were on the edge of a 2 week ice storm that would come and cut our electricity for a couple of days.. And for those few days the busy world would have to stop. So I would light my candles and sit in their warm glow and wish the world wasn't so complicated, and that the power would never come back on. Sadly, it did.

My cats names are Opie and George. Opie has red hair like the little boy on the Andy Griffith show which is why he got his name. George is a dark tabby.. He's pretty large and obnoxiously affectionate. They're both sitting here with me and watching me right now.

I had a Barn Owl practice yesterday. We're preparing for a show in Toronto that I'm pretty excited about. Sebastian (who plays cello for us) is also in a band called Basia. I've heard their stuff on myspace and it's really great. They just got signed to the same lable as Arcade Fire which is something Seb is really stoked about-- no doubt! So yah. They've asked us to come play with them at the Drake (queen west) on the 4th of January at 9:00pm. If you can make it out, I suggest that you come. We've got a 45 minute set.

I'm thankful for where I come from.. That when it snows heavily, I find all of the neighbors on our street outside helping one another to shovel each others lanes. That I can go for a walk by myself at night feeling safe.. and when a car pulls over it's because someone who knows me or my family wants to know if I need a lift or at least to ask how I'm doing. An old man's hat blew off his head yesterday downtown. Someone in one of the cars at a red light got out and picked it up for him.

Why do I know so many Dutch people? I pondered it as I spoke to JBo on the phone today (he's dutch). I mean, honestly! Is it that there are just that many of them around, or am I a Dutch magnet? Either way, God bless them.

AND my final after-thought.. If you're reading this and you're from the Toronto area.. or even if you're not (and i know who you are**), you should be coming to my apartment for some new-years-board-game-fun. If you can make it, leave me a comment on here or email. Feel free to bring a friend or two or three.. i just need to know how many im expecting.

It's been a while huh?

2006-12-12T15:23:00.000-05:00

I've not been posting because of exams and I'm going to assume most of you've not been reading my posts anyway because of exams as well. GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY!

I've been whirling around inside my head over the last couple of days (with a new relationship, exams and moving into the apartment). My feelings come in waves of green, yellow and gray which is to say it's a ride-- exciting and scarey! I'll have more to say later but for now I'm going to be still and breathe and put things in the capable hands of the God of Abraham!!

So there's this boy.. (edited after further consideration)

2006-12-10T19:20:00.000-05:00

...and he's kind of.. well.. he's my boyfriend..
I like him..

He loves Jesus and he has nice hair. (yesssssss!!)

the end.

Regina Spektor

2006-12-05T14:15:00.000-05:00

If she ever comes to your area I recommend you see her. I went to her show in Toronto in October and it was OUTstanding. I recently found some pictures taken at that particular show--managing to find myself in the crowd.

Change

2006-12-02T23:12:00.000-05:00

...And oh as I fade away,

they'll all look at me and say,

Hey look at him! I'll never live that way.

But that's okay they're just afraid to change.

When you feel your life ain't worth living

you've got to stand up and take a look around you

then a look way up to the sky.

And when your deepest thoughts are broken,

keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.

And as we all play parts of tomorrow,

some ways will work and other ways we'll play.

But I know we all can't stay here forever,

so I'll write my words on the face of today...

-- Change, Blind Melon

It's amazing how you don't realise that you've changed over a long period of time. I went back and read some of my old blogs. I can see how far God's brought me. Some of the things I said and did in the past are things I couldn't say or do today. I've got one focus and one goal-- I'm sure those of you who know me are well aware. ;) I feel like I'm such a different person and initially was ashamed of my past behavior.. but it's part of my God-given story.. so I learn from it, move forward and my eyes turn to the heavens!

I muddled my way through some bad choices and silly habits across Canada.. I suffered, I wrestled as I learned who I was as a daughter of Tha Most Highhhhhh... and now I dance and embrace this new adventure because better is one day in [his house] than thousands elsewhere.

I can appreciate that the many of you (friends from home who read what i've written on a regular basis) aren't Christians... And I know some of you aren't quite sure what I'm on about half the time.. So for that I'm sorry... But I love you, and you know I can't lie to you or hide-- God's always on my mind and he continually amazes me beyond belief. I pray He blesses you, and that you feel His love and that He would take you on wild and crazy adventures.

In loving memory...

2006-12-02T09:43:00.000-05:00

The compact disk.. arch-nemesis of the cassette tape. It appears that the battle has been fought and the CD has won. But I ask you: have we traded in this old friend for laziness or convenience? Perhaps both, but for the purpose of this blog entry I venture to say that the mix tape is a mark of true friendship and yes, even true love.
For many of us sharing our music is sharing a piece of yourself with someone. If this is the case, shouldn't the process of creating a mix-album require more time, thought and effort? I remember painstakingly mapping out the content of a mix tape (a nessecary process back in the day because you wouldn't waste an hour or two on something that was mediocre at best). I then remember having to sit on the floor by my parents' stereo with the other cassette tape (and later CD) carefully cued to the song I'd chosen... push play... and then sit and wait as the song worked its way through.
Folks, I fear those days are gone. In less than 5 minutes I can compile a list of songs and burn you a disk with little effort required. It says "here i am. i burned it for you. Hope you enjoy this music." But the mix tape: I spent at LEAST an hour as I sat with my tape recorder, unable to leave so as to push "pause" and then "record" at the end of each song. Everything about the process of making a mix tape is incredibly intentional. This recording process says "Here I am. I took the time to make this for you. You're worth sitting on the floor by my parents' stereo for."

I'm guilty of making mix CD's-- i make them like mad. I'm also guilty cirrculating music that I later decided wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. I'm going to put out a challange: Let's bring the mix tape back. It's that time of year again (Christmas n' what-not) What better way to show you care?

Thursday Night Pt 2 & 3

2006-11-23T23:23:00.000-05:00

And in my best behavior
I am really just like him
Look beneath the floorboards
For the secrets I have hid

Sufjan Stevens-- you've humbled me.

---

I'm feeling scattered tonight.
For good measure: Here are some killer Snoop Dog jokes to lighten the mood.
These two posts should never go together but apparently I'm all about crossing boarders. Cheers.

Q: Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
A: Fo' Drizzle!

Q: When Snoop Dog does his laundry, how does he keep his whites so white?
A: Bleaochhhh

Q: What is Snoop Dog's favorite tool?
A: Da chizel!

Q: Why does Snoop Dog use conditioner?
A: Fo' frizzle!

Alright. I'm done.

Thursday Night: Pt 1

2006-11-23T22:52:00.000-05:00

I watched someone try to build a fire last weekend. I sat by as the smoke spun upward into the star-filled sky. A lot of smoke generally means the fire is about to go out.

Shalom

2006-11-21T00:03:00.000-05:00

My passion, have I lost it? I've caught myself turning it in for something more comfortable. Am I standing in my own self-defined role in a fake kingdom of God? I was losing myself, but not to God. I feel as though sometimes I need someone to shake me by my shoulders and tell me who I am-- what to be for him.

Wake up, O sleeper, rise up from the dead and CHRIST will shine on you. [Ephesians 5.14]

As life happens I hear all kinds of things yet I'm expected to pick out and listen to his voice. To be set apart and held to such a different (not higher/better) standard.. I suppose I need to be quiet, obedient and faithful (that is, to trust in the unfolding of a sovereign plan that I cannot seem to make sense of) To know him is exciting, confusing and by earthly standards, unfair. My life is not my own. My mission is not mine. I bind my heart and emotions to the alter-- that I would not obey their orders any longer.

As things sit right now, I feel a peace that I haven't felt in months. It's unlike anything else I've known. Would this peace that I feel linger and not be fleeting-- that from it would come assurance and confidence. May it bring my energy and attention into greater focus.

2006-11-15T10:38:00.000-05:00

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?
[Psalm 8.3-4]

I feel as though I should balance out my writing a little bit and maybe post some fresh insight having come further out from under the daze I've been feeling...or at least to clarify and help put my last lengthy post into proper context. I wish to stress that even in the midst of frustration and what feels like attack, there's always hope and God will lift us out of it-- it's only temporary. While I've been through my share of highs and lows, I rarely feel attack like that-- I've only had that sort of experience once before (and quite a while ago) so I don't use the word attack loosely or often. I've touched on it before if I recall correctly, but we've got to be careful to not glorify or be over dramatic about spiritual warfare. When we experience negativity and go through trial it's not neccessarily Satan storming the gates like a scene from Lord of the Rings. He'd love us to give him that much credit but we shouldn't.

There's a season for everything, and I guess the last little while i've had to buckle down and dig in with prayer in a battling sense.. But I'm there to pray and to wait and to be obedient. The battle is the Lord's. I can sit here this morning in confidence that He's good and He's at work. I won't presume to know His agenda but I live in excitement as a witness.

Thank you Abba for involving us in your plans.

Photo by Leslie Fidler. :)

Little things that make me smile

2006-11-14T16:35:00.000-05:00

It may sound silly... But in gmail when you go to your spam folder you can click "select all" and then "delete". As soon as you do this, the window refreshes and it says "Hooray! No spam here!" Every time without fail, it makes me smile.

Spiritual Warfare...

2006-11-13T01:24:00.000-05:00

I played at Uncovered tonight which is always a pleasure but I’ve never felt so under attack. I felt so confused and light-headed that I could hardly play. I really feel like God is moving here and wants to pour out his spirit in a new and exciting way. I know it’s begun and it makes sense that Tyndale would be a battleground—to decide we’re safe from spiritual warfare here would be foolish. While the enemy doesn’t deserve to be the focus of my attention, I pray accordingly in light of this reality.

I’ve felt a fog (for lack of a better description) for so long and I can’t function properly without being able to hear from God. In response to this feeling I went through my spiritual checklist: Am I spending enough time in prayer? Am I walking in sin? Is there any hidden sin that I need to repent of? Am I being obedient? Am I spending enough time in the Word? All of these things seemed to check out—and the few that didn’t, I made sure that I got on top of them. Still, I was feeling like everywhere I went and everyone who I interacted with was in some sort of spiritual fog—saying all the ‘right Christian things’ but something was off... The first response was to repent and pray to make sure I wasn't sensing this in the spirit of judgement. After spending some frustrating quiet-time calling out to God, I resigned to the fact that I needed to rest in faith that he heard me even if I couldn’t feel him. And inside I still felt that somehow this fog was beyond me. So I rested in the knowledge that he was sitting there with me though I couldn’t put my finger on where. I told myself I would wait as long as it took for me to hear SOMETHING.

Finally I felt the need to read through the armor of God in Ephesians. As I was reading it out loud in my room it was as though the air became restless—something moving and agitated. I found myself praying against specific things that I feel have a foothold in this school and as I did, the fog seemed to lift a little. I am realizing more and more how easily we can be swept away and deceived—all the while feeling secure as a Christian. It’s SO important to pray for the people who lead us in worship, the people who teach us, the people we love and the people we see in the halls... I resolved to dig in even further after that night—praying without ceasing and to trust that God is starting a fire that nobody can put out. He's doing wonderful things in this place! I can feel the wind of change!

As a result, I’ve felt so spiritually attacked, exhausted and discouraged. I’m not terribly expressive or excited about spiritual warfare—it wasn’t something I grew up knowing about and if we’re honest, it creeps me out.. But if I decide it’s not real or worth my time praying through, the enemy’s got the upper hand and has more-or-less won. I’ve seen far too much to deny the existence of both the enemy and of God. My God is faithful. While I may pray against the enemy, I pray more toward God in thanksgiving and hope. I pray that he blesses you and that you can REALLY hear what he is saying to you.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it [1 Thess. 5.16-24]

Barn Owl

2006-11-12T00:57:00.000-05:00

Barn Owl practices are getting better and better. It was a slow start as I learned a lot of new material rediculously fast.. But now things are underway. Tonight we managed to lay down a loose track list for the album and play through all the new material.. The boys head to Guelph to record the drums and bass this weekend.. and so by January J-bo plans to have something ready that we can release. SO mark it in your calanders.. Sometime in January: Barn Owl Album Release Party... as far as I know it'll be at one of the bars downtown.. we're hoping to play with Richard Laviolette and Backwoods Justice if all goes as planned.. (At least, thats what happened for the last album) It should be a good time. Keep an eye out on our page to see when things are scheduled..
http://www.myspace.com/thegospelofbarnowl

A bottle of red wine, some friends and some mad fiddling.. What a great Saturday night.
Thank you Jesus. Amen.

The shower curtain almost came down...

2006-11-09T15:04:00.000-05:00

...when Meg stole my clothes while I was in the shower thisafternoon.

You've started something... Watch it.

dun dun dun.

Putting on my combat boots

2006-11-08T11:18:00.000-05:00

He can, he will, he is
And I won't back down or be afraid.

I don't understand.

2006-11-07T23:05:00.000-05:00

My searching was fuel for my songwriting. But now that I've found what I longed for I've the worst case of writers block-- lyrically and instrumentally. Would I trade all of this to be able to write again? To listen to the beautiful music streaming from my speakers as I play the albums many of my close friends are putting out-- for it to be SO beautiful and to know none of it was written for you frustrates me while I have so much to sing about, yet I feel like a mute. I am screaming so loud and can't force one word from my lips. I want SO MUCH to meet one person who bleeds through the music they compose for Christ. I feel like secular music has something Christian music doesn't, but that can't be! It just can't. Someone please tell me I'm wrong and tell me why!

What freedom do I seek that I can't find it in you? This scares me. Is this freedom? The moments that catch me between Christian thoughts as I drip blood on to the floor of this holy room. I'm bleeding for something, wounded for something-- yearning. Lord, could such a beautiful song be sung and such beautiful honesty be written for you? I can't write it. With every part of me, I wish I could.

2006-11-07T22:57:00.000-05:00

Child In Corner To Exact Revenge As Soon As He Gets Out
Repeat Offender Serving 7-To-10-Minute Sentence
August 21, 2006 Issue 42•34
The Onion

SEATTLE—Daniel Barriault is serving a time-out for a crime the 5-year-old claims he didn’t commit. Charged with possession of three Oreo cookies only a half-hour before supper and sentenced to a bare 8-by-12-inch bedroom corner for eight minutes, Barriault has had just one thing on his mind while waiting for his release. One thing and three people.

Barriault
"Just a little while longer now," said Barriault, who slowly counted down his corner term to 20 before becoming confused and having to start all over again. "I’ve learned my lesson, but what they don’t realize is that their lesson has not even yet begun."

After four failed getaway attempts into the basement, Barriault was apprehended early Monday evening by household penal authorities Mommy and Daddy, likely operating on an anonymous tip from the "queen of all snitches," Barriault’s older sister, Ashley, 7.

"I may have been innocent when they put me in here, but I’m sure as heck not innocent now," said Barriault, who has served time-outs for a wide range of offenses over the years, including public misconduct, second-degree assault of a sibling, and vandalism misdemeanors when only 17 months old. "They took eight minutes of my life away, eight minutes of playtime I’ll never get back, eight minutes of cartoons I’ll never get the chance to experience—and for that, they will pay."

Monday’s capture of the young repeat offender was followed by a lengthy and disorderly trial, in which Barriault, who chose to represent himself, deliberately disrupted the proceedings by screaming and running around in circles until he had to be forcibly detained. Barriault alleges that he was then escorted with unnecessary force to his bedroom, made to empty out his pockets of three Yu-Gi-Oh! trading cards before being "worked over good by Mom" and receiving his sentence.

It remains unclear whether Barriault was ever offered a deal for apologizing for his behavior.

Enlarge Image

Barriault quietly seethes.
"In this corner, you have plenty of time to think," said Barriault, who claimed to have "tons of friends on the outside," including Jimmy, Josh, and Nana and Papa. "I know exactly what I’m going to do when my time is up. Who I’m going to visit. Plans? Yeah, you could say I’ve got some plans."

According to Barriault, being in the corner "is unlike anything else in the world." It can break the spirit of even the toughest of 5-year-olds, crush their confidence, and reduce them to nothing more than a "stupid little baby."

"This place, it can make a preschooler forget who they are, why it is they don’t like to share their Matchbox cars with other kids, what exactly about the taste of cauliflower makes it so yucky," added Barriault, who admitted that he can no longer remember what the touch of a good crayon feels like. "I wouldn’t wish this place on my worst enemies. No. I’ve got something entirely different in store for them."

Fidgeting either in anticipation of his release or from a growing urge to use the bathroom, Barriault told reporters Monday that despite not even being in the first grade, he never forgets a face.

"I’ve done my time. I’ve been a good little boy who’s seen the error of his ways," said Barriault with a smile. "And as soon as I get out, I’ll make things right. I’ll make sure everything gets made right. Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Stick a needle in my eye," he added.

The Secret Place

2006-11-06T15:54:00.000-05:00

It's great how sometimes children's books can still take us where we need to go, when we need to be there.. here's one by Dennis Lee-- the Canadian poet who wrote Garbage Delight and Alligator Pie (two great collections of children's poetry)
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There's a place I go, inside myself,
Where nobody else can be,
And none of my friends can tell it's there—
Nobody knows but me.

It's hard to explain the way it feels,
Or even where I go.
It isn't a place in time or space,
But once I'm there, I know.

It's tiny, it's shiny, it can't be seen,
But it's big as the sky at night . . .
I try to explain and it hurts my brain,
But once I'm there, it's right.

There's a place I know inside myself,
And it's neither big nor small,
And whenever I go, it feels as though
I never left at all.

Niagra Falls

2006-11-04T22:08:00.000-05:00

We had a sweeeeeeeeet weekend-out. Here are some pictures of some classy gals.

Social me and my new apartment

2006-11-03T15:51:00.000-05:00

I was reading in my psychology textbook about how people respond in different social situations. I got to thinking about how I should probably take more risks and get to know people (although i wouldn't know how to begin). I realise that a lot of the time I wait until people come to me and make the first move, THEN the flood gate opens and I become more extroverted. In highschool I was the opposite.. I was irritated by the people who were extremely cheerful and in-your-face, but still tried to keep up with them.. Now that I'm older and more comfortable with who I am, I find I'm more of a social recluse than I thought. I really wish I could get over the awkwardness I feel in the presence of people I don't really know. It's frustrating and I don't know how I managed to slip from one extreme to the other. I like people-- really I do! As Alice would say, "curiouser and curiouser"... is that even how you spell it?
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In other news..
Meg and I are moving out of rez on December 16th. I really value quiet space in balance with social activity and it's hard to come by around here. It also helps with studying SECONDLY, I like cooking my own food so that I know what's going into my body. At home I generally buy locally grown produce and I eat very little meat. That's just not an option here. For about the same price as Tyndale rez, I'll have my own room and kitchen-- a couple blocks away from campus.

Tag. You're it.

2006-11-03T00:20:00.000-05:00

It's blog tag and it's happening again. If you get tagged, fill this survey out and post it on your blog.. then leave a comment on 3 other people's blogs telling them to copy and paste the survey and fill it out. Corney? Loaded with cheese? But still a fun way to get to know your neighbor.

What is your favorite..
food: Grilled cheese
restaurant: My mum’s kitchen
drink: Tequila sunrise
season: spring
type of weather: Sunny yet brisk or really ridiculously intense storms
emotion: Euphoria or contentment
thing to do on a half day: Climb around in the forest down the street
late-night activity: Taking some guitars/drums/harmonicas and jamming on the beach with good friends…
sport: Kayaking
city: Montreal is a lot of fun
store: The Patch (used clothing)

When was the last time you..
cried: I don’t remember. I’m not too outwardly emotional.
played a sport: yesterday
laughed: Earlier tonight
hugged someone: Also earlier tonight
kissed someone: August.. ah, summer lovin’.. (don’t make me sing the song)
felt depressed: Yesterday
felt elated: Yesterday
felt overworked: Now
faked sick: Over the summer at camp.. and I took a nap for 15 minutes but felt guilty so I got up.
lied: 2 hours ago when I crank-called Jo’s room and pretended to be a immigrant

What was the last..
word you said: “oy”
thing you ate: Rockets.. best Halloween candy EVER.
song you listened to: Fussin’ & Fightin’—Richard Laviolette
thing you drank: Water and lots of it
place you went to: The Dominion (grocery store)
movie you saw: Waking Life
movie you rented: Nacho Libre (it blew)
concert you attended: Regina Spektor

Who was the last person you..
hugged: Jo Miner
cried over: I don’t remember. I’m not a crier.
kissed: Pass
danced with: Nyssa
shared a secret with: Beth Gross
had a sleepover with: Meg Hyland-Low
called: My mum
went to a movie with: Also my mum
saw: Jo
were angry with: I don’t generally get angry. I can’t remember. (And yes I’m being honest)
couldn't take your eyes off of: Random people on the subway intrigue me for different reasons and I watch them. But im not creepy. I promise.
obsessed over: Jesus

Have you ever..
danced in the rain:Yes – comes highly recommended
kissed someone: Yes—also highly recommended in the context of a solid relationship
done drugs: Yes—not so highly recommended. Praise God for salvation, grace and wisdom.
drank alcohol: Yes – in moderation, comes recommended.
slept around: No way.
partied 'til the sun came up: Absolutely—if by party you mean sit around a campfire with guitars and drums.. then watching the sun come up. SWEET LOVING, its like a dream.
had a movie marathon: Yes. I went to Luxembourg and they made me watch all four Lord of the Rings extended additions in a row. For the love of earth, I don’t know how we did it.
gone too far on a dare: Nah. I was always the quiet nerdy kid who watched and lived vicariously through others.
spun until you were immensely dizzy: Yep. Star spinning. Great fun.

When he was young...

2006-10-31T09:02:00.000-05:00

On this quiet morning I sit face to face with Prof. Chaffey as he tucks his tie into his pants, licks his lips and proceeds to look like he’s about to cry. I don’t write about this in order to poke fun. Well, if we’re honest I find him extremely amusing and am intrigued. I LOVE observing this guy for three hours every Tuesday.. But in all seriousness, I appreciate the amount of knowledge this man has to offer and enjoy his enthusiasm for Environmental Science. He’s one of many colourful characters here at Tyndale. Do you ever wonder what these people were like when they were younger? I think Chaffey might have been interested in building bottle rockets and bird watching.

RIP Goliath..

2006-10-29T18:16:00.000-05:00

I know this is my new record (3 blogs) but I felt the need to set the story straight before stories started circulating...

My goldfish was dying when i came back from reading week (I left him with Will). He's been really sick as long as I've known him, which is sort of why i got him-- i felt sorry for him... When i came back on Saturday he was floating on the top and struggling.. And the petstore told me that I should put him in a ziploc bag and freeze him as a humane way of dealing with the situation.. She explained that water temp drops by one degree every five minutes and that goldfish are used to living in ponds in the winter that are frozen over. When winter comes and the water gets extremely cold, they go into a hybernation- they fall asleep and their body slows down. If the water freezes solid they die in their sleep.. SO that's how it went down...

Nikita and I had some time on our hands so we made a treasure hunt for Meg to find Goliath's body.. Dan Slade ended up tagging along and then asked if he could keep him..

It's out of my hands now.
If you're interested.. he's in the guys freezer on the 3rd floor at Tyndale.

Have YOU...

2006-10-29T15:12:00.000-05:00

...finished studying for midterms yet?!

A Hudson Taylor moment...

2006-10-29T12:46:00.000-05:00

We are not only to renounce evil, but to manifest the truth. We tell people the world is vain; let our lives manifest that it is so. We tell them that our home is above and that all these things are transitory. Does our dwelling look like it? O to live consistent lives! -- J. Hudson Taylor

Forgive me.
Help me.