It's 10:00pm and I should be setting down my Bible and I should be hitting the pillow. My eyes are red, my belly is empty (because I filled it with garbage) and I am restless in my spirit. After a bout of stomach flu and a week of stretching myself thin, I decided to have a "me night". I am grinning and shaking my head at myself right now. The irony. Isn't it interesting how to "reward" myself for this uphill climb of changing our diet for the better, I am going to punish my body. One hot dog in the belly and a second one (which I couldn't bring myself to eat) in the garbage. After which I consumed a hash brown and washed it down with a mouthful of sugar-free diet coke which had been left behind by a guest. This entire meal challenges every fibre of common sense. I can't call it a meal. I take it back. This lapse of judgement breaks every rule for eating in a way that glorifies God, and now I can see just how much I can be impacted by what I eat based on how I am feeling physically but especially mentally. I am restless and feel down.
After my feast what did I do? I decided to read about parenting. I am all for making educated decisions. I agree wholeheartedly that breast is best, cloth over disposable, etc. etc. But L is formula fed (I will be blogging about our breastfeeding experiences and our local public health department later). I had 2 ultrasounds during my pregnancy. I gave birth in a hospital and I had an epidural. I did what I did with the small amount of knowledge I had and out of the panic and uncertainty of a mom experiencing a first birth... but as I read I have felt so condemned. Do we get vaccines? Do we introduce this food or that? Did we filter the water enough? What detergent do I use? Where did my clothes come from? What are my pots and pans made of? And given all of this, will my son be autistic? Will he have ADHD? Will he be sickly?
Every day I am washed with a wave of the next thing I need to be careful of. I feel overwhelmed. I feel inadequate. I feel lost and am left with this sinking feeling that I am losing a battle to give my family the best start. But NO. I renounce that in JESUS name. Me, my son and my husband will live in glorious God-given health because my Jesus is big enough. I need to do my best and I need to be educated but where my best falls short, I need to stop worrying and I need to trust that the Lord is bigger than environmental toxins, carcinogens, mental disorders and anything else of concern today. I'm not talking "eat a big mac and pray I don't get fat" kind of thing. I'm talking about hard working and plugged-in parents, doing what we can and feeling pressured to do more and to do it better. Are you following me? Have you felt like this?
And so where my energy and my resource and my knowledge runs short, I lift my arms in desperation to the One who can do it. I reach upward to the One who has numbered all of our days, who snuffs out sickness and disease and who is waiting to bring me and my family into the fullness of all He has for His human creation.
Our journey to meet our God-given potential begins with acknowledging God's power.
To move with God's power I need to pray in God's power. For this, I need my whole heart. I need to be focused, I need to pray expecting to see the results and I need to pray persistently.
Friends, I invite you to listen to this message by Mel Bond. This message has helped me to pray more effectively. I'm not endorsing Mel Bond - just this particular message. Let this post be an introduction to my first look at God-Given Potential.
And with that, I am going to get off of my couch and snuggle in next to my sweetie for a good night's sleep.
