Rant n' ramble..

It's interesting to go from one extreme to another. Being a freaking 'nanny' leaves you more cut off from the world than the average guy (or girl as the case may be). I was unaware of this when I accepted the job and it's come to be both a blessing and a curse. I remember coming home from work last Thursday and having it hit me. I work 10 hours a day and come home to sleep. However during these 10 hours I dont make small talk with the delivery guy. I don't go for coffee with the girl at the desk down the hall from me. I don't ask a customer how the weather is and what they think of the new conservative minority. I converse with people under the age of 8. I can't reason with them. That's where it hit me. Superficially I'm in good company most of the day. But mentally, I'm my own company 90% of the time I'm awake. It may seem like I'm complaining, and this is where this form of communication fails. If I was speaking with you in person you'd probably sense the intrigue. I don't think I've ever consistently spent this much time to myself. I don't know that it's changed me drastically, but I can appreciate where I'm at in my head and understand better. It's sort of depressing because my poor bandmates that I see once a week don't realise that they're my only social interaction-- and I think I expect too much from them. On the flip side it's so fecking liberating to spend so much time alone. I love that I am in this position and I don't want to be anywhere else right now. Weird beard.

On a semi-separate topic, I keep wanting to perform all these social/psychological experiments on myself. I want to go on a music fast for like... 3 days. That means to avoid music in all forms from the radio to tv commercials to singing songs in my own head.. Not a note. I wonder if I could actually do it successfully and how it'd make me feel. I also wonder what it'd feel like if I punched you in the face.