There's still magic all around me.

I just finished a 40 minute written rant about the overwhelming sense of love I have right now for God.. I posted it on here.. and 2 minutes later found a post from a few months earlier that better describes my heart's cry.. So here I am going to re-post it and delete my nonsensical rant..

So what on earth am I doing with myself? How easily we are lead into false security. Our choices play before our eyes like on a news reel and because of the clarity of them, we can decide their okay. I urge you, my friends not to settle for it. Not even for one second. Challange your own choices-- in the same way you fear your friends and family would.

In a haze of uppers and down-time, high-stress and low-income, I realise now that I've represented myself as less than I can be. I am sure this is a common feeling, or if not-- a common excuse. None-the-less, I've mourned for lost time. I've mourned for words that I've let slip into silence as I enabled friends and sat on the faith that's become almost all of my focus. The problem is that I'm torn. I'm painfully aware of the unhealthy state of the North American church. I can't point people to God's church if I myself, am not fully buying it.. But despite how sick, it IS God's church and I am not helping the kingdom of God by turning His people away from the body. I also realise that God is awakening his church-- he loves it and is nursing it back to health. Can my Christianity exist separate from the church? I know that it can't and I am filled with joy as I see the diversity in my brothers and sisters who love him as much as I do. This is why sometimes I find it hard to communicate-- why sometimes even casual conversation comes so unnaturally. I don't want my words to be contaminated by the stigma of a religious box or by how he makes YOU feel.. When I want to pray for you-- it's in the power of a Lord that I personally KNOW and not through the power of a Lord I've heard of on Sunday morning. When I know he can heal and convict-- it's not because of any corporate fear mongering or need to cope.. Guys let me be honest and love you with a love beyond what this world can offer, and let this be my apology to you for misrepresenting myself for the time that i have.

i AM intellegent, i DO have things to say, and i will NOT play myself as the silent enabler. I have seen far too much of God to deny that he is real and very active in ways including but far beyond what the church can describe in any sermon.. In my list of do's and 'will not's', the most important.. I DO know a God that loves our sad and sorry asses nomatter how out in LEFT FIELD WE ARE.. there's something that surrounds us that's bigger.. its there nomatter what we decide to call it.

So in a time as unsure as this-- it occurs to me and I find myself smiling this very moment.. There's a magic all around me. Try saying it out loud. "There's magic all around me" and tell me that something within you doesn't come alive and sparkle, even just a little.