Homesick for Georgian Bay

This is the longest I've stayed "settled" in one place since I turned 16 and this is the most time I've spent in the city in my whole life. I feel like urban life is swallowing me whole and I don't know what to do about it. At first I felt panic, then I felt nervousness. Now I feel restless. It's impossible to describe how unnatural the city feels for me.

I stayed home from class on Friday, feeling overwhelmed by this season in my life. I love school and the decision to miss class pained me initially (especially since I enjoy it so much) but I needed silence. I needed to try and find a simple quiet moment before I lost myself completely. It was fleeting but it happened in front of the fire in a quiet home. It wasn't the woods though. It wasn't the lake and I miss my paddle. I'm not sure what I'm going to do or how I'm going to last for the next few years until Joe is done school.

I don't mean to sound simple and so closed-minded. I'm sure the city has much to offer but I need more trees and less noise.

The years leading up to my decision to go back to school were filled with a lengthy trip across canada (two months) followed by two months of living in a cabin by myself on the Bruce Penninsula. That was my most favorite time. There was no cable, no radio, no telephone and no cell phone service. I was told by the cabin's landlord that it was wise to get a big dog to help keep me safe on the trails. I didn't believe him until I woke up one morning to find large bearprints on my dirty car. I got a dog named Shadow that week. We ran into black bears often along our walks. Shadow looked like a bear himself-- half black lab and half collie (as in lassie-- not boarder collie).

For the last month of my stay in the cabin it was me, Shadow and my camera. I would be up on the Bruce for 6 days during the week and would drive 1.5 hrs into town on Sunday to visit the ones I loved and pick up groceries.

Picture taking, hiking, silence; it was time with God that I'll never have back again and it was so precious to me. I feel as though the transition has been so difficult because I came from a world that is the polar opposite of the one I'm in now. One week it's just me and the dog. The next week I'm living in the suburbs with my in-laws-- all 5 of them. I love them dearly.

I'm just feeling tired of this "city life".